Snippets of the unconscious mind
This is my life since I have become an adult. Everything that I have experienced is written into my poetry, and everything I have become has shaped and kneaded me from an unsuspecting victim to a man. I have been through sickness, loss, love, pain, happiness, triumph, pleasure, sadness, madness, depression, and through hell and back, but I have never lost my hope, my faith, or my inspiration. This is my story...
Love, Hope, and Faith
Intro
Two worlds collide upon a dream that isnt real
Find again
What you believe In
Trust what has come
Find what is there
Love, Hope, and Faith
Its what your made of
Daunting of thy soul
The real
The daring
The zeal
Lost bearing
Feel your heart
With fruit
Well being
Lest dreams from beyond
Rotten your soul
Come hither
Thy be
You should hear
Hearts pounding from shore
Bring me
And let me bare
Bring me I say
Let me bear
Lest you die
Lest you fear
Come to senses
Tread and deep
Believe in principle
Believe in thy self
Bring me I say
Bring me
I always dream of you
I always dream of you
But lately it fades away
Always of you
But you never stay
Into the darkness
You fade
Into the night
I lay
I dream
And dream you away
Over and again
I think I dreamt
The dream
The dream of you
The music of us
The hope I have
To believe I must
Into the darkness
You fade
Into the night
I lay
I dream
And dream you away
The music of hope
It plays through me
As I walk and mope
I look and I see
Your eyes
Staring back at me
The only dance we had
I thought it was all
A dream of lovers
Of Fashion and dance
I stepped and saw
Enough to prove its hope
Hope that dignifies you
Hope for us
As the night brightens around you
As the night brightens around you
The heretic cries in pain
Sleepless tittles befall him
Calm is his name
Yet he risks it all
Risk that kills him
Bring back the day
Let it pour over
The heretic cries in pain
The day comes by and by
Never hope
I've got to go
Dream through this night
Caught up
Don't let me down
Follow the eyes
Follow the sound
Fight the feelings
Hope is stranded
Don't frown
Be the one
Follow through
Get done
Storm the soul
Dream lies
And believe
Rush through
Get done slow
You don't know who
Pull back the bow
Launch your dream
Hope brought back
From the brink
Feel so black
Severed the link
No truth only black
Lonely love
Doomed to the instabilities
Of our insecurities
Cosmic rays of love shine down
Across the field and ground
I'm lonely in your shadow
Staring into your eyes
The dream acts like a show
The show of our lives
Don't be spent by the man
Don't be sent by the hand
Smack away foolish games
So your dreams may prevail
Don' embrace his fear
Just live by the day
He will leer
But you can stay
Travel the void
The untold story
The love that you make
Is quite possibly what you take
Melancholy
Melancholy
Waiting for that
Someone sometime
Somber and sat
No rhyme
Classified as sane
Feel me with
That embrace
Long lost myth
Faith
Life
Extraordinary
Passes by
Flash its gone
Please believe
That if I die
I lived it well
Please believe
That if I die
It went as well
Coming back
Across the straight
Follow the broken
Follow the breath
Don't complicate
Break your stride
Come down
Off your high horse
Break the ride
Bluff your might
Keep inside
Break down your doors
Hmm
Life
It goes as well
Believe me
I did die
And I found the mighty love the lies within
Cry your soul
Keep your faith
That's what it's all about
I lived it well
I kept my faith
Nightmares
As darkness becomes light
I see your face
the morning baited by night
I feel your grace
Turning and tossing
sweat pressed clothe
what is it causing
this I loathe
The night terror
I suspect more
In my error
you I adore
The friendship swelling
as you lay in my mind
The pain is quelling
as I know you are kind
I hear whispering
with our hands entwined
These memories are mine
I keep locked up
they might seem benign
but not close up
As the dreams become reality
You hear my sorrows,
the awareness of my duality,
your comfort follows
In the death throws of dreaming
I here your voice
the shift so slow descending
your here by choice
I sense the calming of our trust
I can feel your emotion
Your presence here is a must
truth in your devotion
Once more
Come
Let me hold you
Brush back your tears
Comfort you
And stop your fears
I love to see
Your face
That smile
I watch you
And want to
Hold you
Have faith
Standing there
Trying to find my heart
Finding my soul confused
Just breaking apart
Far from where I started
I can never go back
I'm already departed
Never again whole-hearted
Truth lying there
Like what I lack
Its counted fair
How is this faith
I am left wanting
It attacks me
Like a haunting
I can never see
I left
Taken away
By and by
Day after day
Truth killed me
Cast into the vast sea
I can never say
How is this faith
I am left wanting
It attacks me
Like a haunting
I can never see
I've tried
Killed myself
And died
Faith came
And rose me up
Called my name
How is this faith
I am left wanting
It attacks me
Like a haunting
I can never see
Mercy
It comes and goes
Fills me
Tried and trued
It believes me
I can live
I can be
All I have to do
Is have faith
Dream the dream
Come along
And take
What is yours
Wish it all away
If you were here
In any way
I find that I love everything about you and hate myself
Take advantage of me
Please I need you
Please stay and see
It can only be you
Trust your face
and buck up
Take the race
And the cup
Wish you were here
So long
Beautiful as you are
Yet again you bring me back
To this lonely road
I've got to walk all alone
You bring me back
And I can't believe you've gone
Sad eyes roam my mind
I look over and your still not here
Feeling this heavy heart
Hold my head down
I admit that I am afraid
Afraid that I did nothing to stop you
The damage is done
And your still gone
Break through these chains
Throw away the pain
Blank eyes
Roam over me
Over me
As I lie
As I die
I have seen love
Faith
Hope
And I cry
You've gone
So long
Bye bye
Finish the moment
Finish the moment
Try and bring it all
Do you understand?
Do you?
Do you or don't you?
Bring the momentum
Find the time
I need them
Its only sublime
Finish in the heat
Finish in the moment
Finish on beat
Finish off the opponent
You have to understand
Do you understand?
Do you?
Do you or don't you?
If you don't
I will
I want
I'll kill
Down with LHF
Finish off
Come in
Wash off
And start again
..............
It's uncertain
Its uncertain
What will be
All I know
Is that it might be me
If you take the bait
Come alone
Clean my slate
Let me atone
Feel out what is there
Never pry
And you always stare
Just lie
Let me stay in your ignorance
Bask in the sun
Of the all knowing trance
Finish me with the gun
Travel in your heart
Travel in your heart
Placed in a holding cell
Pain begins to start
Graced with her falling spell
Your smile destroyed
Soul defiled
With you she toyed
Her soul's wild
On a pedestal
She was placed
Near the heart's wall
Her glory, her taste
The feeling, so real, overwhelming
Blood spilling, no kill, truth in loving
Find yourself without logic
Exploring the unknown
Together your both a wreck
Your façade is not blown
Truth to be told
You find her in love
Relationships mold
You praise the above
You were found wrong
But chances felt sure
That hearts love is strong
And you need no more
End
So why
are there
so many
who don't believe
believe that the end is near
again its coming
like a tidal wave
its flowing
over the land
and the beaches the sand
torment and anger
flow through the veins
the vast people
blow out their brains
traveling from place to place
this is the land
that I have to face
the land of the free
the land of me
time has come
and the blood runs thick
the sun has shone
and the people become sick
Rampant mild
contest the heart
I bring death
from far apart
The world has lost
to the depths of sin
the only people bade believe
its them your only kin
the ones who disagree
From start to finish
I end this now
the trouble the anger
the first place smile
against the will
the will of many
I fuse together this time and money
to the end
oh so near
to the end
never fear
to the end
only you the true friend
Sadness into Madness: Despair
Pathfinder
Where do we go from here?
Under pressure of new found responsibility
Where do we go from here?
When were never given that one break
Where, where do we go?
Please let me know
Give me time to leave
Give me that break
And we will see what happens
And if you see me
Tell me its not over
How, how'd you get here?
Then you're left wondering
How did you get here?
Why leave to start with
How did you get here?
You made a bad decision
You have to pay for it
Then you can leave
To find what you thought you found
Now you're here
With no place to go
Mystification looming
Faceless
Never assuming
Instant gratification
Always looming
Blatant Mystification
Graceless booming
Fiction to my ears
I hear your voice
Stars that are heirs
Attempted Sluice
Barring me from sound
Looking for harmony
Finding the newfound
Traversing the Simony
When all that's left
Is what has been done
You feel bereft
And lonely undone
Your you
It comes and goes
Trying to find the place
Trying to master space
Without the rows
Fill into the nest
Untouchable instinct
Fathers itself into you
Emotion is no more
Self defecating in style
Troubled in your will
And never forgotten
Even for a moments spill
Find yourself no more
Cause the harm to disappear
Relinquish the wheel
And blood comes to leer
Coming and going
Leave and never come back
Swallow deep breaths of death's liquid agony
Sleep in times of need
Leave it to others
Before its blood you bleed
And not each others
When it rains it decides to pour
Until the sun is no more
Find me a cup to fill the despair
We will need mugs and sties
Its over and nothing less
Less then a hero can solve
Yet she is useless for mental matters
Delight
Damaged amongst my person
Personified by chaotic boredom
Feelings of despair per sin
Everything destroyed like Sodom
Pleasure is displaced
Your worth has been measured
Your eyes have been cased
Your words have been censored
Death overcomes by pain
Flattered by essence of life
Courtesy of the insane
Everything's tempted by strife
You
Feel the sin trickling down your body in the night
I came to my senses when I broke out
I stood there standing
Feel the pressure in your heart I fought the light
I tried to see the vortex of my life
I saw it in the corner
Feel the love wash over your face take away sight
I walked past my pedestal up high
I felt it in the sky
Looking back at your body
I cried you had died
I killed you with a thought and fought with words
You bleed all over me
Wash me with your sin
It is all there in the floor
You were a whore and I am a man
Sad is the day I find myself forgetting you
Into the abyss
Strange incarnations of the mind
Stamina lost to thought
The very man that sees is blind
And I am the one who was bought
Blank how we follow leadership
Every footstep collides with death
How do we like to determine relationship
When were always on our last breath
The stories of our lives
They bring delusions and pain
Retrospect is sought out with knifes
Broken, bothered, left insane
Together we stall
What is left to begin
Together we fall
Into something but sin
Troubled minds
Troubled minds
Enter drifting spirals
Different kinds
Of broken dials
Shutting Mouths
Walking souls
Breaking bowels
Talking owls
Truth be told
Blame me
Call me cold
Tame me
The winds
Blown off tract
Spiraling spin
Stuck in black
Break me
It's my bane
Take me
I'm insane
Apart
Either here or there
I find deep sadness
I find it without refuge
Delve into Madness
And force despair
Lonely nights
And calm riots
Force my soul to
Tear its self apart
Listen to my heart
Find a way to fix
The unbreakable
To finish
What cannot be finished
Trouble me no more
I am gone
Random Action
One thing that reminds me of everything
Came by
Breath I still do
And I can see too
I can see you
And the lovely view
If you can too
I will be with you until the day comes that I have to leave for the bright sun spot
I bury myself in that rough plot
Stubborn jack
I found molly out back
She came too and I told her to find that curtain
To cover Sam
The world came by to take me away but not before I came to say:
Fill me with your smile
I can never do it if I try
I will tell her to stand file
And it will fly
Can you find me in the wind ?
The world came by to take me away but not before I came to say:
Do you, can you, believe in me
I will find her now that I have you to help me out
Tough enough
Her
We started out in a fight
You called me stupid
And I loved your sight
The class predisposed to psychology
I found you uncanny
You were a one track person of sociology
I was a tragedy
I came to find a friend but found something more
In a person as you
Here we go
Here we go
Everyone together
Apart of my show
Light as a feather
Floating through the air
Staged the stage fright
All the people stare
Falling into the night
Her smile brightens the day
Got me jaded nothing to say
Catching up to her pace
Everything falls into place
There I was
There I was
Or was I there
I never knew, but she could
If she was sane
Talking crazy
Feeling as if I am her bane
Fighting the feeling
That I am insane
She was there looking back at me
She was there looking back at me
I found myself there trying to see
To see the love In her eyes
Feeling kinda sad I sat still
Wrapped in pride my stubborn will
Had to leave for the other side
Never could believe
Falling from the sky
Falling from the sky
I was told that I could find love
It was all lies I wish I was above
Above all of this .......
I stared into her eyes only to see nothing staring back
I was ...
Never couldn't
Came to the table
I was acting as if I was steady
I thought I was stable
But underneath it all I wasn't ready
I fled
I couldn't field the test
I didn't do my best
Couldn't could if he didn't try
And that's the rest
Never couldn't
If I wouldn't
Have gave it a half ass try
Now I stand here by and by
If you give it all you could
Find a way to see past the complexities
And I will throw you a pass
If I am past my sixties
I will turn south, out of the wind that's in my face
Its your place
Never couldn't
If I wouldn't
Have gave it a half ass try
Now I stand here by and by
Feel the freedom
In your decision
I felt mine, in pain, in a vision
I didn't try
Now I stand by and by
I found the sound that I liked
I found the sound that I liked
It came in small package
Right for the all those nights
I kept listening till I hit thirty
I found myself pleased
Until the air was dirty
I liked it all
Singing yea it was right
I found it to be the songs
They came and went that night
Faster then the speed of light
How can I find it
Ok I trust in it
But where is it
Falling short of the line
Falling short of the line
I came across any ways
Standing still just fine
How long, how many days?
I wrap myself to find
That I am only alone
To my belief in my mind
I came upon the phone
It rang with jealousy
Hungry Void
Trust me
Yea it could be
I looked into the cereal bowl
All I found was a hole
It was all gone and I was empty
The cheeseburger could never feel me
I looked around for that hit the spot feeling
All I came upon was a not so filling.......
So hungry
I can feel it
Swelling within me
I got to find it
That hit the spot feel the knot in your stomach
Special moment
I enjoyed years past
Eating in all my life
I would never fast
But tonight I had to find that something to file the hole the void in my life
Looking like a mall
I smelled the plot
Searching the dinning hall
Rifting through the rot
I needed that delicious conspicuous filler
This was as scary as thriller
So hungry
I can feel it
Swelling within me
I got to find it
That hit the spot feel the knot in your stomach
Special moment
I deserve this
Not to find what makes me happy
Now I sink into the abyss
Singing
So hungry
I can feel it
Swelling within me
I got to find it
That hit the spot feel the knot in your stomach
Special moment
Can you feel it?
Hunger swelling
Can you?
Can you?
Can you?
I got to find it
That special moment
Kinda found the town
Kinda found the town all over the place
I came from an organized space
Never could agree feeling all this chaos
Buzzed and running strong, feeling the ground removed, slipping into a dark dream of life
Woke up to the sound of a bus stopping overhead, the street felt all around
Never again walking at night did I find that
Reasons Beyond Reason - Subversion into life
Under the breeches of the sky
Hey
Hey
Yea that's what I mean
Were all just chillin
Sitting around this table
You know what I'm feelin
And no not the table in that fable
Speaking about the times
Flowing from our minds
The simplicity is kind
In what we all find
Something
That's what we mean
Something
We've all seen
Distribution we don't know
Kinda like something hallow
Only if it's slow
Not like Jeremy's flow
Something
That's what we mean
Something
We've all seen
You hear our rhythm
And you feel our soul
Not like one of them
Only feel it
Its something
That's what were saying
It's something
That's what were seeing
Something
That's what we mean
Something
We've all seen
She is done tracing away the day
She is done tracing away the day
She knows it's her only way
Find out how she did it only to find it wasn't her
Come around come around see if you know
Cause she never did
Superstitious reasons why
Superstitious reasons why
I feel that I
Can behold the world
And stay behind
Feel my way through
I can never get there
Find you
Find me
Stay through and through
Sleeping stay there
Find your way back to me
Stay behind
Can't say why
Just need to stay high
Get it find it
Trust with supersentients
Crush the day
In your palm
Confound your problems
While your calm
Start and re work
All that is in your helping hand
Find what is out there
I see her face
I see her face
I shout I cant
I shouldn't
Never embrace
That beautiful face
Corny I know
But she doesn't see
I'm quite for her
She talks to them
Not me
Skill is devoid of emotion
I lack skills
The waves wash over me
It's the ocean
A sea
I am here for you
I am here for you
Although you never see me
Just around the corner
And you never know its me
Always me
I found myself looking to you
I found you looking the other way
Its never enough for you
Nothing I can say
Follow my heart
And its all just pain
I can never be the one to start
All I see is rain
Dowsed and never dry
Looking around
It all went awry
You never found me
I never found myself
For you
My heart stands alone
Until I look at you
Came close to complete
Looking deep
I found
That it's all profound
Just to be with you
Feelings are course
I seen it in me
It burns deep inside
I have no remorse
I will give it all up, up for you
To stay inside and feel you
It takes over
Just want for you to be happy
And just act naturally
I came just to say hey and tell you
That I never knew
I feel it all
Come from you
I want to hold you
I want you to know
That it's all for you
I'm complete in your eyes
And lonely in your good byes
Stay I'll unlock your heart
I feel you so close
It's only a start
Never want to feel apart
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
Where did you take my heart?
I search for you
I find nothing
But a glimpse
Of what might have been
I wish it wasn't just trend
I find that I long for you
I long for your eyes
I search for your heart
Your soul waves bye
I look around and you've gone
You left me here to find
All that I need or wanted on my own
I love and lost but I don't mind
I know that I will think of you at dawn
When the sun rises
I look around pick up the stone
Throw it out the door
This all seems heart wrenching
A disaster for all your days
I take it all alone
For I long
For you
For you
I only want
The thing that makes me, me
While your gone
I am all alone
Alone for the most part
Here wondering
About you
About how you feel
About the love I wished you felt
I long for only you
Follow what it is I am saying
Follow what it is I am saying
Haven't made a good piece in awhile
Hope this crosses the threshold
Follow me inside
Growth becomes to long
You cant abide
Your pulled out by a bong
Its chromatic colors subside
I can feel you wrapped around a gun
You left me here
With out fun, with out the sun,
You blow up
I never knew
It was all to much
Cant handle just erupt
All this and such
Follow me to the box
We surround ourselves
This aura of disgust and mistrust
I trapped inside
I havent let go of you
And you let go of me
Locked me away
Your dead to me now
That new friend of yours
He has pulled the trigger
I cant live I don't know how
Not soon enough
Not soon enough
Always thinking
Breaking tough
Always shaking
Just a thought away
Minds going cold
Keeping the chills at bay
On the brink of what you told
My shoulder
It's gone forever
I'm not your boulder
Or your tether
Leave me be
No second chance
Away from me
Distance rants
Twist me up
Break the skin
Break me up
With each new win
Reason is only why
Reason is only why
Why I feel so high
Fight reason
Fight it and die
Conserve the life
In which you make it
Cut it with a knife
And let it sit
You find only death
Down in this hole
All is over in myth
Wind and toll
You find satisfaction
Only in this life
Wrap it all in action
Only in your life
Try it all again
Try it all again
Finish the day
Learn to love this death
Suicide hurts deep inside
That's what they say
Finish the day
Lets begin again
Try to find my soul
I figured I was left to rot in this hole
Its all shot to hell
So go fuck yourself
I finished in time for love
But it left here
Time is bad
And this all is so sad
So just leave me there
Without
Truth is a lonely road
I felt it coming
I felt it coming
I heard it
Only moving
What is it
To much creeping
Sickness
Breaks me in half
Been awhile truthfulness
Take your time, Its not math
I hear you
I hear you
Singing to me
We talk all night long
Nothing to regret
You tell me your secret
And I tell you mine
Everything always seems fine
The truth in your lies
The truth in your lies
Sets me free
The truth in the skies
Lets me be
You're right
I'm wrong
No fight
So long
Find someone to let go
Goodbye to friendship
We are true friends you know
Say hello to hardship
Me, you, and everything
Were down and out
Me, you, not even a thing
Another route
I will see you on the other side
Find you all alone
I hope that you turn the new tide
Turn over the stone
Not even a chance
Not even a chance
I did what I thought
Look at this lance
Death is what I bought
Bring me back from despair
I break my hearts hold
Coincidence so rare
She makes me feel bold
Left solemn and broken
One last embrace
That she left unspoken
Without a trace
Gone like the sun
That moves behind the moon
A post haste run
Why has she left so soon
The injuries add up fast
This journey from the past
Troubled Truth
Troubled truth
Broken straights
Not uncouth
It abates
She looks to you
Falling faster
It's all new
Hard to master
Wrong turn
Blown of course
Strong burn
No more remorse
This isn't right
Close but far
Hard to fight
Chasing a star
What if I gave up tomorrow?
What if I gave up tomorrow?
Would anything happen today?
What if I gave up on loving you?
Would you leave or would you stay?
Brings back memories,
And all the painful feelings
You are gone once again
Pain
Passing by
On a sea
Oh up high
Can it be
It declares
Its intentions
The time swears
To mention
Truth despairs
Feelings brew
No repairs
Those that knew
Time is here
To defend
No despair
Left to send
All behold
It is gone
Time is bold
You're alone
Perfect Picture
Perfect Picture
Forest of recollection
Nothing set in stone
Not even imperfection
Like a broken bone
Fast and curious
Snow blown destruction
Blatant, furious
Stopped all function
Looking through the looking glass
Chaos marooned
The rows of smoke shall not pass
The world consumed
Together we find
What was never found
Searched in our mind
That imperfect sound
The authority never offered
The monster never tamed
The undesirables never bothered
The search never came
Ruthless were their name
Uncontrollable and insane
People were to blame
For years all that's found is rain
Stoke the fires of your soul
Everything is gone but a shadow remains
Your body finds its final role
Closure for now, but nothing in your mind retains
Where am I
Where am I
Against the sickness
What am I
Against the sickness
Breakdown
Follow the light
No not bound
Its alright
Pulling through my skin
Its traveling blight
From my sin
Never right
Sickness I fight
Then it comes
It hits me in the night
Hearing the hums
Traveling
Babbling
Took my might
Left me a poor sight
Took my heart in the fight
Now I am left to my sublime
A fore mentioned rhyme
Puke me again
Never to much to ask
Unless its asked
It's a mystery to me
A never ending troublesome, horrible, terrible sea
Never ask
Aloof and spent
Trying to find what is mine
Coming together with the people
But nothing I do is fine
I threw a rock into the ripple
Everyone is fine with everyone
But I am left behind
At a crossroads already done
I'm trying to be kind
I want you to know
Who and what I am
Here I stand so low
I'm Left saying damn
You people have no thought
At what I have seen
Getting what I have sought
At what I have been
Manipulating my surroundings
Finding those that don't understand
An attempt at discovering my findings
Where do you think it will all land
They will never know the truth
The life that I have broken
life that's living aloof
Under them so out spoken
Blowing their minds
And leaving with no words
These are all signs
Formation of the birds
And with that
I am gone
On the wind
Find me blown
Fax and send
Blatant Traversion
Truth
In sublime chord
Uncouth
And journey forward
Days of death
Cross cut
Haze of meth
Douse butt
Through the valley
Still nights
The death talley
Includes fights
Broken wills
The fall back begins
Stolen seals
The journey ends
My haze
Death and destruction
Never seen among chaos
Lust and deception
Leading to terrible loss
The men and women scream
Love becomes true hate
Truth is always what you deem
Never a clean slate
The air around you not so clean
The ground damaged by reality
You can't imagine what's been seen
Even through perfect clarity
Bleeding eyes
Cloistered definition of truth
When the wind blows by
Utter and unmistakable, its aloof
Every agenda is a lie
Contradiction in and of itself
Get together and make believe
Your childhood put up on a shelf
Follow the foot steps to receive
Constitution broken and battered
Belief makes no one cheap
Lives shredded and tattered
Nothing you want is deep
Stand against the firing squad
Steps placed in stone
Ruin the child or break the rod
Too late, not alone
Everything is complicated
But seems to simple in respect
Everything seems over rated
But is what we see in retrospect
Believe nothing
Your senses are a lie
Believe everything
Because everything will die
Damnation
Bereavement
Personifying the promise I lost
Cement
Denying that which frees us from the cost
It feels worse
When your soul cracks
then a rolling hearse
and deep lung hacks
I felt used
with moral broken compass
I'm confused
at what made me pompous
I have been ordained
with a sense of uselessness
my turn to complain
about this ruthlessness
that which I sustain
against those whom disdain
my choice to turn away
from the problem that rains
from the problem at bay
from the problem that stains
Thus grieving the promise
from the pits of devastation
to that which makes us
live the day to day enervation
Please save my soul from compromise
and stave off the realization...
That I live in damnation
The Ballad of Arta Xerxes. Huh?
All you need to know about this ballad is that it was very difficult for me to write. Its name is more of a reference to a modern day person rather then what someone would normally assume. This poem is what started to set me away from some modern day poets, and helped me to take on my own style. I don't normally tell anyone exactly what my poems are about, but for this one envision a forbidden love.
Disappointing Contradiction
Ironic temptation
Again without validation
The void of deception
Regrets still in place
I find myself guilty
For remembering that Lenoir space
Lost in my tranquility
Should I forget that moment?
Should I destroy bonds already broken?
Can I really condone it
This artifice of mystery is left unspoken
Into a trance I fall
Leaving behind reality
I hear that lovely call
Breaking my duality
Slipping deeper into madness
Diverge into blind desperation
Cultivating what is sadness
Held under her incantation
The walls falling down around me
Everything seems to be changing
When it's all together I can see
I'm the one that's dying
And when the dust settles
I realize its stronger than time
I don't want to be the one who mettles
And provoke the wrath of the sublime
So I'll go on by and by
Driving the long road from your door
I was never there up so high
Still you affect me so much more
Silence is my next journey
Prolonging the balance
Don't stumble into the gurney
Breaking the same Silence
The bottom line
A nervous wreck around you
You'll never be mine
And I could never have you
I try to Contrive
A reason to manufacture
I begin to Survive
And everything starts to fracture
The Ending?
I would like to end this with a bit of inspiration and revision. The first of these last two poems I wrote marked a turning point during a tumultuous time in my life. It gave me something that still hasn't left me, inspiration. It was a very emotional poem to write, and this is the first time the public gets to take a look.
Inspiration
Try and find reason
All is not lost
Search through summer season
But at what cost
The Shapes become sharper
The details more fine
Like the tune of the piper
At the site of a shrine
Waiting for your inspiration
You break a smile
Broken is your incantation
That lasts awhile
Catching glimpse of her eyes
I see into her passion
In blank stare I surmise
Within lies her bastion
At the stroke of her brush
She tells the story
At the stroke oh her crush
She holds all glory
Her brow moves
To finish the race
Her sound smoothes
Beauty shapes her face
Listening to her work
I watch her content
She breaks out a smirk
I know whats meant
We end the dance
As I leave the floor
With one last glance
Shes forever more
This last poem is a ballad that I wrote for my Grandparents 50th anniversary. It depicts a proposal from a mans point of view. This also took some time to write as I really had to envision the emotions evoked in this particular situation.
Looking for love: Romantic in the "ideal" proposal
Chaperons of Ecstasy
Bring back my heart
Depicting this fantasy
From the very start
I lay there uninterrupted
nothing bothered me
until my soul finally erupted
retching into the sea
You chanced a look
into the soul of the pyre
though what you took
was something unlike the fire
The burning
Ecstasy abated
The retching
Fantasy jaded
I used the last card
to fuel my heart's desire
the song of the bard
on the wind, does not tire,
even though its hard
to hear, I'm not for hire
The excuses were full
and I was a liar
I felt her pull
circumstance dire
When all was a hush
I knew I was there
and no more hard rush
I threw down my mare
I took a breath
of this spring air
lamented death
in my stark stare
I picked the primrose
with mighty care
adjusted my verbose
as I climbed the stair
Wild with excitement
I entered in range
after the adjournment
no nothing of change
The door that opened
was antique of age
I stood there in form
as if on stage
waiting in the storm
heart born rage
I looked upon speechless
as if truth had been shown
fixated and breathless
I stood still until dawn
Her signs were gleaming
and she was not shy
she was truly beaming
from clouds up on high
I took in a breath
and stood on one knee
heart nearing death
could not look to see
I asked for her hand
silence stood fast
she noticed the band
and answered at last
The end so near
She knew what to say
cracking a tear
as if she was gay
what would I hear?
Then I heard her say
“I'm Praying above
(looking muted)
on whom I love...
Yes,” she shouted
As of August 21-22 2009 this material has been copy righted and all rights reserved. Thank you all once more this has been a great experience and I do hope to write some more, right now I am taking a few weeks break.