Finally got a cell phone, feel something akin to normality, like a bowl of fruit with a chocolate hidden at the bottom.
It is a glorious day!!! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and my life changed, right fucking now. Everything is beautiful. EVERYTHING!!
<3
Finally got to the housing place. Didn't get great news there, but that's okay.
Plus I got that craaaazy news which I celebrated with a Mudslide. Those things are fucking good!
I've been hearing whispers lately, hopefully not the "uh-oh I'm hearing voices kind" but then again, that wouldn't be so bad. I experience a lot of crazy, but at least I don't go on and on and on and on and on and on in in such away about people I am *obviously* obsessed with. So I can hand a little personal "normal" crazy. Lol, oxymoron yeah.
Anyways, I ended yesterday with a trip to the library, got 11 books (YAY!) finished one already. It was beautiful, called Skellig by David Almond. I read it in an hour, it's a really short book but such a worthwhile read.
This might be my most normal entry yet. =D
Bleh chores to do.
Off I go.
"And ahahahahaha, when I called her to ream her out and let her know what a waste of human life she really is, she LIED to me YET AGAIN and pretended to be her mother. Fucking retard - I know it was you, doing what you do best - LYING.
And oh my god...how I LAUGH at how you threw yourself at people that you KNOW are way better than you - those people are my friends, and we're ALL laughing at what a pathetically silly and ridiculous lying fool you really are."
Not that anyone cares (and that's quite alright) but I wish to clarify some things. Perhaps to make myself feel better?
My mother really did answer the phone...I know we sound alike, but my god, he didn't even hear me talking in the background!
I don't recall throwing myself at people I believe are better than I. And whatever Robert says to convince his friends that I'm as awful as he thinks I am, there's surprisingly no animosity from me...
I realize that otherwise, if he doesn't get the word out first, I might spread some slanderous crap about him. Which I'd never do. Celebrities, yes, that's fun when there's nothing else to do. Blathering lunatics that threaten me with making sure people on a perverted website are against me, not so much.
Mmm, there, I feel so much better. Believe what you want dearies, I'm moving on.
I think I just threw up a little. In my brain. :\
Fuckin hell this hurts......hat
Boo, wish I had some smoke. Cuz this is ridiculous....
At least I've got my books.
In fact, I just read one called The Thief Taker and it was brillaint, 1750 London, a mystery-murder novel. Quite enjoyed it. Took my mind off this bullshit, and the other bullshit as well.
Reading a slightly crappier book now called Mistwood.
Escape is escape tho.
Oh, you know, you...*know*..
-Nibbles pretzel.-
Fuck you assholes. Most of you have no right to even have an opinion about that. Yeah, I said no right to have an opinion.
I fucking mean it. You don't know what it's like, there can be so many fucked up circumstances, and it is NOT EVEN YOUR CHOICE.
Maybe you should just keep that shit to yourself.
Fuck. That really pisses me off, haha.
For the batshit crazy brothers & sisters out there, don't go eggroll and stitch up the side that makes the frost sparkle on summer petals, no. Give a lil extra for the monkey with symbols, he purifies your soul & cherishes this salad of extreme missgivings. I know we can do this because we fight the good fight with pondwater & the shores of Tir na Nog creeping up fast.
There's a way of fixing this GOTTDAMN MACHINE OF FRIENDSHIP FACETS!
Something about a guy with long hair and tats playing a cello that really gets me going...
Next time I get stoned (if ever) I think I'm gonna try grilling a pb&j sammich...
Utter shit.
I'll just be going then....
My mom thought I killed myself last night. Because she kept shouting downstairs and I didn't respond. So she came down and woke me up. She said "I really thought you had gone down and killed yourself. I was sure you had done it."
Why does this make me feel worse? I don't want to die but I would certainly prefer physical pain to what I'm enduring now.
I hate *everyone.*
Sick of being nice to people that don't deserve it.
Sick of being nothing but a worthless bitch, only good enough when you can use me for something you want.
I hate *EVERYONE.*
But I hate myself more.
Really wishing I had some happy pills.
Love me love me say that you love me
Because I feel like I'm losing myself again.
It's a pretty horrible feeling
For those that don't know
For those that do
I love you when you're down and when you're up, even if we aren't close. I have that love for you because I know you need it.
Because I need it too--And I just don't have it.
It's a bastard, this thing.
Nothing else like it.
Makes you laugh, wish, grin, sigh.
While it tricks, trips, lies.
I made peace with my feelings.
Neither here nor there but I'll shed a tear later on...even when I'm uncensored uncaring in the moment.
So for no matter how many people pass within sight of this bastard thing, there's only one that still makes the soul ache.
Such a pointless pain it is!
I'll run far enough, fast enough, it won't catch up.
That's what they all say!
It's okay. Really.
I'm all smiles. :)
Yeah you're listening pretty hard but you're just not fucking HEARING me.
Days like yesterday and today I miss the numbness.
O honestly I know I'm whining, but it's the truth. I don't wanna go back to all the bad shit but if I could just have some
Leftovers.
Heh.
If I think about my situation too much I will break down and shit will go sour, so I'm just working through this day by day. I have hard times and cry once in a while, mostly because of other people though.
I fucking hate wanting to depend on someone else. But it's human nature. Because I really want a friend that will give me a hug and a smile and hold my hand. How fucking cheesey is THAT? The norm for some, just blech to me. It's another thing I try not to think about too much though (the fact that I'm lacking in it) because I get this massive twisting pain in my chest, kinda like heartbreak.
Hence the whole ignoring that part of my life thing. Whilst I'm working through this mess, anyways. Job, license, moving out, car, something like that order.
Whatever.
It has to happen.
Sam just stood there and watched.
The old Sam would have run up and took the fucker's head off with his machete. But this is a different one.
It feels like they're not brothers...fuc
So when he came back from Hell (brought back by someone-who?-m
I know, I'm such a geek for Supernatural. :P
Also, HAHAHAHA they made so much fun of Twilight and K/R it was hilarity.
If this horse were mine I'd ride it out of here, so far away. Alas, I haven't the money for it, no stable, nobody to help me care for it.
So I'll give this horse a pet and walk away.
Only thing seperating me and them now is an electric fence. I'll touch it, but I don't want to climb it. It's probably not worth it anyways. On the offchance it stops my heart.
Halloween doesn't mean what it used to so I feel the same this time of year that I do around Exmass. People stuffing themselves on sweets and getting drunker. xD For the record, I'm okay with that. I'll pretend to celebrate for a bit of alkiemahol. I'm just not much of a holiday-er anymore.
I don't put razorblades in the candy.
You'll still end up in the E.R. :D
Unless you can handle it. Heh.
Whatevs.
I thought.......
I went to the doctor today. That was duper.
So I'm on more meds, plus some day/nyquil knockoff shiat that makes me wanna barf.
Upside: mom is nicer.
I can barely fucking breathe, my inhaler doesn't help much. I'm supposed to use it every two hours though.
Upside: being sick + sick meds = some story inspiring dreams.
ALSO......
I had a genius moment recently. Yeah, I said genius, fuck off.
The story I worked on for 5+ years that turned all post-apocalyps
The whole demon summoning thing and then all the other shiat blah blah blah I'm not going to say it because it's so fucking out of context. The point is...maybe it could work. Something I would be super duper proud of.
Six years in the making, what's another couple?
And dewds, gheyassfangirl
Fuck me I love that bromantic show.
This chick reads Playboy articles on the radio for the blind! She also describes the pictures. Awesome. http://apnews.
Duuuuuuude omg avoided a big fucking catastrophe. Yikes.
So I'm going to go see R.E.4 this weekend, by myself. Because I'm a loser, yo. I just roll solo. Soooo low.
My mom doesn't even want to see it with me. Whatevs.
I had a dream about prom last night. Quite strange. I'm a bit anti-prom. I told mum fuckit I'm not going because I forgot to shave my legs. xD
I prolly didn't want to go in the first place. *sigh*
No more alkiemahol until October 8th. Wooooo.