I cant sleep.... piper sleeps...like a rock!! and when i do its not a very good quality...idk why i cant sleep. lame yes its only 930, but im usually in bed by now. Maybe because im so depressed.... i feel so stupid and pathetic because i still love pipers father....and i still just wnat him to be here. i pray every night that il wake up and this will all be a dream. that ill have a text on my fone that says"morning beautiful, i love you!" and ill be near him in a few hours with the baby... i just want my old life back, when i was happy with my baby and the man i loved with me....i lay down at night with piper cuddled close to me, and i feel empty, like theres something, or someone missing.. and i know that some one is the man ill always love, some part of me will always love...i want his arms around me as i sleep, protecting me as i sleep like i protect piper....i miss him so much...im so lonely, and i just shun most ppl because i dont want anyone elses attention...i wonder if piper remebers him...i wanted so badly to be a family...for her to have a mommy and a daddy...and now she has sad mommy...sad mommies are no fun, believe me i know... my mom suffres from depression... its no walk in the park...but atleast i have her. shes my superglu, the only thing that makes me smile anymore...its nice to know someone is happy to see me when i get home...shes just so amazing. id be a ghost if she werent here... id be a veggie,id hide away in my room all day and sleep...id be so much worse if she wasnt here....i hate this...i want my life back.. i want to be happy again..... its not fair...