I'm so madly in love that I can't see straight but I'm doing the same thing that I used to do when I loved Ashely. I say the wrong things and I get scared of everything. I just want them so badly to be happy that I'm convinced that they'd rather be with someone else aside of being with a person like me. I can't handle being alone, but maybe I should be. No one really needs to be with me. Their minds are just so wrapped around the person that I am and the person that they want me to be and they're so entranced to it. I feel horrid. Maybe I should just be a different person altogether. Or I should just leave. If I left no one would get hurt anymore cause no one would even know I was missing. Am I even missing? Am I here? Who am I? No one will remember. I can't for my life stop running from what I should be running to. I feel bad but I guess....I guess he's right. I'm not supposed to be around people. Just lock myself in a closed off room till the oxygen is no longer around and...Then maybe everyone can be happy. I'll be dead.
It seems that when things are going alright, Hell steps in and hits me in the face. Bruising everywhere, lack of sleep for nights on end for things that no one but me knows about. My head busting with memories that make me sick upon thinking of them. Dreams that haunt me everyday as well as everynight, making it hard to sleep and hard to think at all. It makes me cry all the time thinking about them. Thinking about what goes on daily now...The hell that I live and and what Hell brought on. It hardly seems fair.
I do not wish to be harmful to anyone and I shall not proceed any further until I know that everything that I've done is no longer harmful to those that I care for. I do not wish to be a burdon to anyone any longer and if thats what I've become, I wish to be told, for I do not want to be that and I shall leave if thats what I'm to become. Thank you for reading and I hope that you're....alri