I'm falling in love with two people and I can't help but feel lost and confused. I want to be with them both but I have a very bad feeling that I can't be with them both. It's so confusing and painful

I am so fed up with people you thought were your friends talking behind your back and saying things that you just didn't want to hear

So I've gotten sick of the good and the bad so I've just decided to tell you random stuff if I feel like writing at all. Oh now that I think of it I've been listening to some weird stuff lately I think I may have surpassed creeping myself out into the realms of just plain oddity.

Which reminds me today I switched appearances with my friend [GONE FOREVER2010] and let me tell you I never thought people would freak out that much at me wearing blue jeans and a Winchester ball cap...as it turns out no one thought of me as a redneck

I'LL DANCE ANYWAY

There is no reason for me to smile
Nothing for me to laugh at
Absolutely no reason to dance
Yet without you I find
That there are reasons to smile every day
Plently to laugh at in life
And even though there's no reason to
I'll dance
Because without you I can fly
When no one else is dancing
I'm dancing like I die tomorrow
I've got nothing left
I'm throwing caution to the winds
Dancing to the beat of the drums
That only the heartbroken can hear
There may be no reason to smile
But I will anyways
Tell me I should always be crying
I'll always smile instead
Say I should never laugh again
I will laugh whenever I can
Tell me I should not to dance
I'll dance just to show you I can

Marpsy
To my exs who think I should still be hurting over them

good

1) I has chocolate
2 I has music


bad

\I HAS NO VOICE!!!!

Good

1 I've decided the best revenge is just being happy
2 I has music
3 I am halfway done with my newspaper stories
4 I am going to JROTC next

Bad

I'm fighting with my sister because she has issues with los and lettes

Good

1 I am forever shot of my ex and never will feel the ache in my chest from knowing that he does not return my feelings

Bad


...don't want to talk about it

Good things

1 I get to sleep in my own bed tonight
2 tattoo this month (must concentrate on good)
3 now has pictures of her brother
4 is home

bad

1 ex email me
2 many people seem to be misunderstanding that maybe in a year means No right now

Start with the good

1 I'm going to Illinois which means I won't being going to school Wed thru Fri
2 I'm getting Venom after school
3 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM chocolate
4 mmmmmmmmmmmmm music

bad

CRAMPS!!!!
ex's who don't know the meaning of "no I will not blow you"

Okay first let's start with the good

1Puppies are doing well
2 MMMM chocolate
3 I Found the charger to my MP3
4 I got some sleep
5 oh yeah and I can get my tattoo anytime after the nineth WOOT!!!!


Now with the not so good

Well put it this way cramps fucking suck I hate them and I wish I was a boy right now and/or I had a boy

Someone said I think about the negetive too much sooooo

Good things for the week
1 we've had two litters of puppies and they're alive and healthy
2 tomorrow is Thanksgiving
3 I get my tattoo next month
4 no dog fights today

OWWWWWWWWWWW! So I accidentally left my contacts in too long and now my eye HURTS! This week to say the least has been hell. First Sunday Parpar decides to go into labor at basically midnight doesn't have the puppies until the next DAY! anyhow dealing with the puppies leaves me up til 12 MONDAY! Tuesday isn't much better I'm tired grouchy and sick. Wednesday somebody breaks into the basement and goes through my sister and I's shit. Then Thursday uniform day just isn't my day. Today we're being forced to stay after and I HURT!


Ah well Thank god it's friday I suppose

So yeah I broke up with my boyfriend because I can't stand to watch him self destruct so now I'm feeling very down in the dumps

I'm so sick of everyone saying I don't shit I'm useless and full of fail. I'm tired of no matter how hard I try to help being screamed at for it. I GIVE UP! I just give up there is one hundred percent no use in trying to help people anymore. They either get mad at me for trying to help or tell me that I don't help at all fine I'm fucking done

Two emotional breakdowns in as many days. I haven't cried this much since I was younger. I think something is wrong but I don't know what

I don't care about most things anymore. All I care about is 6 people otherwise I couldn't give less of a damn anymore

It seems that I've lost something in this last painful instance. I don't feel pain or sorrow or hot or cold as I used to. I say something hurts because I know I ought to. I hide the fact that I've stopped feeling many things quite well while at school but the truth is I don't feel it. I wonder if I've lost something...yes that must be it...but what? I don't believe I have a soul to lose I lost that long ago. Perhaps my heart but that's so scarred and shattered and I feel like it's still there...so what did I lose. How can a souless shattered creature lose anything...

I have absolutely no interest in life anymore I'm staring death in the face everyday and the more I think about it the more I consider death a gift rather than a curse perhaps that's a bit frightening to you but to me it is absolutely normal to me.

Let's get one thing clear the asshole who got me knocked up DID NOT FUCKING RAPE ME GOD DAMN YOU ALL

I am preparing to do three things if things don't get somewhat better in the very near future. First I am considering leaving Fake, second I'm considering transferring to a different high school, and third I am considering completely withdrawing from everyone and everything in the hopes that maybe if I don't engage I can't get hurt

Oh god oh god oh god no no no no no no this can't be fuck no I can't take it it's not possible