eyes: deep brown
aura: dark purple

Deep down I still love him and I don't know why. Even after everything he's done to me and all the lies he told me. Even though he doesn't know how I feel and will never care that I have feelings for him, even though late at night when I can't sleep I hear his voice and smell him on my skin. I think it's what hurts me even when I'm so mad at him I could kill him I remember I loved him once, and I'm lying when I say I hate him. He was someone I could count on, someone who could always make me laugh and someone who always seemed to know when to let it go. Someone I could tell how I felt and know that he'd listen. All I ever wanted was for him to return my feelings and despite everything he never did. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore without feeling like I'm going to cry. It's only late at night that I can even truly admit how I feel and he'll never know and if he ever does know he won't care

So today I was told that whatever my sister is hiding from me would quote "cause me to leave both physically and mentally" somehow this statement amuses me. Am I the only one who sees the irony?

I didn't deserve to be hurt
I didn't deserve to be treated this way
I didn't deserve to have my heart torn in two
I don't deserve to be in this kind of pain
I don't deserve to have you constantly hurting me
I don't think I can take it anymore
I don't want to heart your lies
I don't feel anything but pain
I didn't deserve to be lied to
I didn't deserve to have this happen
I didn't deserve this

The god only know why it is I have to fall for every guy like this. I love him still but my heart is shattered into too many pieces to even possibly have any meaning anymore. I hurt so bad it isn't even funny and yet there is no way I can go back I closed that door and it makes me feel terrible about it but there is nothing left of my heart or soul to be torn in more pieces than ever

So I hate Valentines day now. cross off another holiday from the list of holidays I don't hate. It all stems from why the black teddy bear I got for Valentines Day last year is named Doubt. Some of you kow that reason some don't I don't feel it necessary to explain to those who do not

Holy fuck does anyone leave their user the same for more than a week?

Eyes PITCH BLACK

Okay so I'm trying to decide whether to be sympathetic to my "brother" or simply say I told you so. That and I'm being dragged to the Valentines dance at my school which I really don't want to go to but whatever


Eyes: nearly black

Okay so I neglected to mention something rather important about this next week. For those of you who have noticed my mood, I am getting to see Bowling For Soup live in Denver this Thursday. I am totally psyched

Eyes: pure Gold

This is specifically directed at those members of the blood bar who know me

Karai is Silence my so called brother so if you see me diving past you into The hideout don't be alarmed I'm trying to do my job of not starting drama. Therefore ask me if you want to enter my hideout or Sin and I'll most likely let you in

Also I need decorating ideas

Eyes: Blue gold

So I feel like randomly making an entry

Things have gotten significantly better since the beginning of the month. I'm past my yearly bitchiness so I should be back to my chipper self by Monday

eyes: warm silver

WHY!?

I have officially come to the conclusion 2010 is going to kill me

update for those who care

Kate was released last night and this morning went back to the ER. I'm leaving Fake tomorrow night so I can be all hands on deck sorry folks


Eyes are varying between black and gold

I realize Im not supposed to/allowed to bitch about what's going on right now but I think this is one time I can break the rules

This week has been living hell. Starting with Mike and Mom getting into a horrendous fight. Mike "moved out". Then 3 days ago now I fell chasing dogs and injured myself. the next day I go to the ER find out what I already knew. Then last night my sister ended up in the ICU. they still dont know what's wrong and to make matters worse Mike's brother beat the shit out of him. Pretty shitty brother huh? Anyways now I'm sitting here trying not to do damage to myself or anyone else. Great someone fork over the knitting needles yarn and music and I'll be semi sane

Oh fuck my eyes are black...

So news

-him
--we talked over the phone for the first time
--I'm falling so hard it hurts with him
-her
--well what can I say I've fallen so hard it hurts but in a good way
-both
-- I LOVE THEM DAMNIT!!! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE MY MIND PEOPLE!!!

I'm falling in love with two people and I can't help but feel lost and confused. I want to be with them both but I have a very bad feeling that I can't be with them both. It's so confusing and painful

I am so fed up with people you thought were your friends talking behind your back and saying things that you just didn't want to hear

So I've gotten sick of the good and the bad so I've just decided to tell you random stuff if I feel like writing at all. Oh now that I think of it I've been listening to some weird stuff lately I think I may have surpassed creeping myself out into the realms of just plain oddity.

Which reminds me today I switched appearances with my friend [GONE FOREVER2010] and let me tell you I never thought people would freak out that much at me wearing blue jeans and a Winchester ball cap...as it turns out no one thought of me as a redneck

I'LL DANCE ANYWAY

There is no reason for me to smile
Nothing for me to laugh at
Absolutely no reason to dance
Yet without you I find
That there are reasons to smile every day
Plently to laugh at in life
And even though there's no reason to
I'll dance
Because without you I can fly
When no one else is dancing
I'm dancing like I die tomorrow
I've got nothing left
I'm throwing caution to the winds
Dancing to the beat of the drums
That only the heartbroken can hear
There may be no reason to smile
But I will anyways
Tell me I should always be crying
I'll always smile instead
Say I should never laugh again
I will laugh whenever I can
Tell me I should not to dance
I'll dance just to show you I can

Marpsy
To my exs who think I should still be hurting over them

good

1) I has chocolate
2 I has music


bad

\I HAS NO VOICE!!!!