I got kicked out....wtf? Oh well don't care I guess.

Here goes nothing, some of you may understand my question some may not but what do you do when you have this gut feeling that you're just a phase for the person you love and worse you're never going to see them again after you graduate? Is is wrong to stay with them despite these feelings?

Eyes: black
Aura: black

Eyes: deep brown
Aura: Purple
For some reason that I can't remember why I feel the sadness welling up within me...I don't know why and it's driving me a little crazy

*long drawn out scream of frustration anger and possibly sadness* I CAN NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOES IT! HE TELLS ME OH I'M FINE BEING FRIENDS I CAN TAKE US NOT BEING TOGETHER THEN HE DOES THIS WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS IT NEARLY ALL GUYS I FALL FOR ARE TOTAL AND COMPLETE PRICKS WHO ONLY HAVE ONE THING ON THEIR MIND DO I HAVE A FUCKING SIGN ON MY BACK THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT!? ONE MINUTE HE'S ALL I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND THE NEXT HE'S ALL FUCK ME BITCH! I GIVE UP! I COMPLETELY TOTALLY AND UTTERLY GIVE UP I DON'T SEE THE FUCKING POINT!

Okay just to explain the user change is necessary for those of you who don't know my heart is no longer broken therefore I feel it necessary while I am still an angel and dark one at that for user change

I am greatly saddened by the inactivity on the wiki Slave Auction So much so in fact I am sending a plea out to all my friends. PLEASE COME JOIN ME PLEASE!

eyes: deep brown
aura: dark purple

Deep down I still love him and I don't know why. Even after everything he's done to me and all the lies he told me. Even though he doesn't know how I feel and will never care that I have feelings for him, even though late at night when I can't sleep I hear his voice and smell him on my skin. I think it's what hurts me even when I'm so mad at him I could kill him I remember I loved him once, and I'm lying when I say I hate him. He was someone I could count on, someone who could always make me laugh and someone who always seemed to know when to let it go. Someone I could tell how I felt and know that he'd listen. All I ever wanted was for him to return my feelings and despite everything he never did. I can't even look him in the eyes anymore without feeling like I'm going to cry. It's only late at night that I can even truly admit how I feel and he'll never know and if he ever does know he won't care

So today I was told that whatever my sister is hiding from me would quote "cause me to leave both physically and mentally" somehow this statement amuses me. Am I the only one who sees the irony?

I didn't deserve to be hurt
I didn't deserve to be treated this way
I didn't deserve to have my heart torn in two
I don't deserve to be in this kind of pain
I don't deserve to have you constantly hurting me
I don't think I can take it anymore
I don't want to heart your lies
I don't feel anything but pain
I didn't deserve to be lied to
I didn't deserve to have this happen
I didn't deserve this

The god only know why it is I have to fall for every guy like this. I love him still but my heart is shattered into too many pieces to even possibly have any meaning anymore. I hurt so bad it isn't even funny and yet there is no way I can go back I closed that door and it makes me feel terrible about it but there is nothing left of my heart or soul to be torn in more pieces than ever

So I hate Valentines day now. cross off another holiday from the list of holidays I don't hate. It all stems from why the black teddy bear I got for Valentines Day last year is named Doubt. Some of you kow that reason some don't I don't feel it necessary to explain to those who do not

Holy fuck does anyone leave their user the same for more than a week?

Eyes PITCH BLACK

Okay so I'm trying to decide whether to be sympathetic to my "brother" or simply say I told you so. That and I'm being dragged to the Valentines dance at my school which I really don't want to go to but whatever


Eyes: nearly black

Okay so I neglected to mention something rather important about this next week. For those of you who have noticed my mood, I am getting to see Bowling For Soup live in Denver this Thursday. I am totally psyched

Eyes: pure Gold

This is specifically directed at those members of the blood bar who know me

Karai is Silence my so called brother so if you see me diving past you into The hideout don't be alarmed I'm trying to do my job of not starting drama. Therefore ask me if you want to enter my hideout or Sin and I'll most likely let you in

Also I need decorating ideas

Eyes: Blue gold

So I feel like randomly making an entry

Things have gotten significantly better since the beginning of the month. I'm past my yearly bitchiness so I should be back to my chipper self by Monday

eyes: warm silver

WHY!?

I have officially come to the conclusion 2010 is going to kill me

update for those who care

Kate was released last night and this morning went back to the ER. I'm leaving Fake tomorrow night so I can be all hands on deck sorry folks


Eyes are varying between black and gold

I realize Im not supposed to/allowed to bitch about what's going on right now but I think this is one time I can break the rules

This week has been living hell. Starting with Mike and Mom getting into a horrendous fight. Mike "moved out". Then 3 days ago now I fell chasing dogs and injured myself. the next day I go to the ER find out what I already knew. Then last night my sister ended up in the ICU. they still dont know what's wrong and to make matters worse Mike's brother beat the shit out of him. Pretty shitty brother huh? Anyways now I'm sitting here trying not to do damage to myself or anyone else. Great someone fork over the knitting needles yarn and music and I'll be semi sane

Oh fuck my eyes are black...