Growing up is hard. When you're in school fights rarely last more than a week and then all is forgiven in favor of beating the shit out of someone who hurt the other and then it's right back to fighting again. Now after high school we don't acknowledge eat other for a week maybe longer and even then we're still not really friends anymore. Kind of a depressing thing to think about huh? Well suffice it to say I've discovered the dark truth about growing up.
I've grown up these last five years and now recently my very close friend who used to be in complete control of me is pissed off because of me growing very rapidly in this last month or so. It's all kinds of suck but what am I supposed to do about it? I am not the type of person to sulk in a corner anymore...so I guess it's move on and hope we were really as good of friends as I thought we were.

So I lost my oldest friend and mommy today. We had a stupid arguement today and she told me she didn't want to talk to me again and that if I showed up at her house she would shoot me so I'm pretty much at rock bottom right now.

He's gone. Un-freaking- believeable...no good bye no I love you no hug no nothing....just gone...I've been fighting my emo all day and Corey has cheered my up immensely but I still just want to curl in a ball and cry. I miss him. He's my daddy...but...apparently I'm not his daughter no more...

I'll never believe in you again
I'll never forgive those things you said
My only relief is gone and dead
I'll never forsake myself again

So hold me down
If I feed I'm stronger
I don't feel no longer

New Seether album Forsaken

I can feel my own angry voice screaming at my grandmother

I feel like I'm losing my friends like I've come to a point in my life no matter which direction I steop someone is going to hate me regardless...I guess it stems from the two people I was closest to in high school becoming more and more distant...whatever I guess my plans to enlist are good ones

For those who don't know I consider Friday the 13th the best luck of all. I've never had anylething bad happen to me on Friday the 13th but I've had tons of good things happen to me. So ya. Today is going to be a really good day. Meanwhile I'm going to my grandma's to do chores and then come back to my house to get ready for couples night hopefully more than one couple shows up

You come to me with scars on your wrists
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
[I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine]
But I know it's a lie


The Last Night- Skillet

You've got nothing to say.
You've got nothing.
I knew as soon as I'd left, that you'd go and fuck someone else, you whore.
We all know, we all know by now
that you're the only thing you talk about.
We all know, we all know by now
that things won't work out, no.
I never really had a doubt
that things would end up to be this way.
And I never meant to make them seem that way.

All You Talk About -D. R. U. G. S......Makes me think a lot of some people in my past

Take me, hate me
But you can’t make me come clean
So stop telling me I’m not the man you should believe
If dying is your way out
Then count me in I’m coming
Maybe a different spin
Oh-oh oh-oh, oh-oh oh-oh
And I’m so used to being a coward
It’s all I’ve ever been
I quit before I win
I’d like to keep cutting
I’d like to keep cutting
Butt I can’t stand to watch myself bleed

Mr Owl Ate My Metal Worm - DRUGS
For those of you who know me well know why this song describes my life perfectly

To explain my mood a "fuck you" mood is a good mood. It means I'm relieved and I've got so much extra energy I want to fight or dance or run laps or something. It's a very good mood considering the week I've had. So yah meanwhile I've discovered that Sixx AM is the band I'm obsessed with this week and that I actually know a famous german speaking man off the top of my head>.> Dero Goi lead singer to Oomph! Woot for random musical knowledge

Cause they don't even know you all they see is scars
They don't see the angel living in your heart
Let them find the real you buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin

Skin Sixx Am
Brand new song literally just released and MMMMMMMMMM god

Girlfriend Application (Boredom)

BASICS:
Name:
Age:
Location:
Height:
Hair:
Eyes:
Piercings/tattoos:

OTHER:
1. Where would we go on dates?
2. Who are three of your favorite bands/artists?
3. Do you drink/smoke??
4. Do you like the beach?
5. If so...would you go with me late at night?
6. Do you like movies?
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night?
8. If you were to take me out to a movie would we watch the movie?
9. If not what would we be doing?
10. Do you play an instrument?
11. If so...what?
12. Would you call me right after we saw each other to make sure I made it home alright?
13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10?
14. Favorite body part on a gurrl/guy?
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself?
16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, player, slut)?
17. Would you give me kisses just because?


What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I touched your ass:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:



Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Buy me a birthday gift:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Make me a snack:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Makeout with me:
Hold me in times of need:
Ditch me:
Use me:
ask me out:
Date me:

W0ULD Y0U...CHECK ALL THAT APPLY!
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[]watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my lover?
[] hug me?
[] buy me food?
[] take me home to meet your parents?
[] would you let me sleep in your bed if i didn't have one? lol?
[] sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] give me a piggyback ride?=)
[] come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere


D0 Y0U...
[] think im cute?
[] want to kiss me?

[] want to hook up with me?


ARE WE...
[] aquintences?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?


AM I...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] intersting to talk to?


HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting to kiss me?
[] wished i were there?


ARE Y0U...
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin bout me?

These two images both made me smile and feel kind of sad I don't really know why

So this is a little weird to be writing but... Yesterday I found out my Zveal still had feelings for his ex and they were confusing and stressing him out I offered to share him with said ex and then promptly began thinking of what would happen if she said no...As things turned out she said yes so we won't dwell on what I would have done. Needless to say I know have a gf and my Zveal this brings me joy

Mostly because I'm tired of explaining here's what happened.
I have a very high tolerance to drugs and alcohol so high in fact that I get alcohol poisoning but not drunk needless to say Sunday was not a fun experience for me. I'm very lucky to be alive.

Don't mind the darkness in my heart
It's just the scars left from the past
The past I left behind when I met you
You are the one who made me forget
Forget the sorrow I've born for far too many years
Years lost in the mists that time has given me

Don't mind the darkness in my heart
Don't mind the scars I bear
Don't mind the anger you see
My hearts been hurt but not anymore

Don't mind the scars I bear
They're just distant reminders of a sorrow
A sorrow best left in the past
The past I've forgotten thank to you
You are the one to heal me of my sorrow
Please don't go now

Don't mind the darkness in my heart
Don't mind the scars I bear
Don't mind the anger you see
My hearts been hurt but not anymore

Don't mind the anger you see
It's just a reminder of the ones who came before
The ones who came before kept hurting me
Thanks to you I've finally escaped
Escaped the darkness that threatened to engulf me
Escaped the scars that threatened to take me over
Escaped the anger that threatened to break me

Don't mind the darkness in my heart
Don't mind the scars I bear
Don't mind the anger you see
My hearts been hurt but not anymore
Not anymore

Marpsy

No matter what, I got your back
I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that
I swear to God that in the bitter end
We're gonna be the last ones standing
We'll never fight, we'll never fade
I'll promise you forever and my soul today

Papa Roach, No Matter What
I swear it Corey I will be yours until my dying day

I've officially decided I need to go on depression meds...I think I finally figured out what's wrong and it all adds up. Lately I've been unable to sleep and dizzy so one of three things is wrong with me


The most unlikely possible is I'm pregnant ( Thank you dad for once again freaking me and proving your an asshole)
I've become diabetic which is slightly more reasonable considering y'know I've been hypoglycemic for my enitre life
My depression has gotten beyond my level of control

There are some days I can't get off my knees
The feelings so strong knock me down
And yet I don't accept it
Because I won't let you keep me on my knees
I won't let my sorrow keep me down

You wanna know why I fight?
I fight because of you
I fight because of him
I fight because of her
I fight for me!

When I start to wonder why I keep breathing
I think of you and what you said
And suddenly I'm fighting to stand up again
I'm fighting for myself again

You wonder why I fight
I fight because of you
I fight because of him
I fight because of her
I fight for me!

Marpsy

No drama instead,
Your words go over my head.
Let's stop hurting each other,
So we can be alright.
You're so perfect in bed,
But still you're fucked in the head.
Everything you say,
I can't take your lies.
I can't take your lies.
This is just another Romeo and Juliet.

Pop Evil, Another Romeo and Juliet
New song I'm obsessed with >.> why does the boy keep finding songs that somehow end up being my song of the week

fair warning to all who know me i may make no sense whatsoever i'm typing with one inch false nails which is a little hard but we make such sacrfices for prom

It seems I have a new relative well sort of my dad is my step dad who divorced my mother so what does that make his new "wife" and is she even really his wife. Urgh I'm so confused god damn facebook