This is so stupid so painful. I don't understand why all this has to be piled on me. I don't get it and I just want to run away... I feel trapped like a rat and only a few of you even understand. but why should you care
I am officially back. This means drop me a line if I don't answer it's because I'm watching tv or attempting to sleep despite the fact my oh so lovely young one won't let me *glares at my tummy*
I am officially back. This means drop me a line if I don't answer it's because I'm watching tv or attempting to sleep despite the fact my oh so lovely young one won't let me *glares at my tummy*
Alright I'll say it. I'm sorry for my absence and it's going to get longer. I'm only checking in about once a week for maybe twenty minutes. Mostly because well
I'm so tired of giving it all up
Sacrificing everything for another
Heart aching from yet again giving it up
Weary from all I've given up
When's it gonna be my turn?
When is someone going to return what I've given?
I'm not asking for that much
Just a turn to be the lucky one
I'm so tired of giving it all up
Sacrificing everything for another
Heart aching from yet again giving it up
Weary from all I've given up
Can't I be selfish just one fucking time?
Can't I have one little taste of what I've given?
Can anyone tell why I have to give?
Should I get back instead of being left empty
I'm so tired of giving it all up
Sacrificing everything for another
Heart aching from yet again giving it up
Weary from all I've given up
Outstretching awkward silence
Bated breath wondering what to say
One heart gone cold, one heart bleeding
Why are we doing this?
Former lovers can't be just friends
Too many hurt feelings and old scars
Somehow we force ourselves to do this
Trying to mend what cannot be mended
Outstretching awkward silence
Bated breath wondering what to say
One heart gone cold, one heart bleeding
Why are we doing this?
We can't keep this up
Inside one of use is screaming in agony
Begging to know what they did wrong
The other is simply trying to quiet their all too guilty heart
Outstretching awkward silence
Bated breath wondering what to say
One heart gone cold, one heart bleeding
Why are we doing this?
Can the other see the pain each endures
Wrapped so silently in their own?
One has gone cold from their sorrow
The other is bleeding from theirs
Outstretching awkward silence
Bated breath wondering what to say
One heart gone cold, one heart bleeding
Why are we doing this?
Marpsy
Here's where I shine
And I still don't give a damn
Because this is not for you
This is for the downtrodden
For the girls who wanna find love
But are just too nice for thier own good
For the boys who haven't got a clue
What they're really looking for
I don't care what you think
I'm not here for the money
I'm going to sing until I die
Hoping to reach the ones who need me
Here's where I shine
And I still don't give a damn
Somewhere out there my words are reaching them
The forsaken who haven't given up yet
The child who feels no one understands
That no one knows it's not their fault
The kid holding the knife to their throat
Thinking no one cares about them
I don't care what you think
I'm not here for the money
I'm going to sing until I die
Hoping to reach the ones who need me
Here's where I shine
And I still don't give a damn
Even one who hears me
And walks out of the darkness
I'm out there for every misunderstood freak
Begging for just one person like them
For every nerd, geek, and dork
Just seeking a little recognition
I don't care what you think
I'm not here for the money
I'm going to sing until I die
Hoping to reach the ones who need me
Marpsy
My heart starts to beat
So nervous, yet knowing this is my shot
I've got to take this leap
I've only got one chance and no room for failure
Sing like this is your last day
Play like your life depends on it
It's all come down to this
All your blood, sweat and tears
Has come down to this one moment
You're not going to fail not this time
My heart starts to beat
So nervous, yet knowing this is my shot
I've got to take this leap
I've only got one chance and no room for failure
Close your eyes, still your heart
Then open 'em and take the plunge
This is your chance to show 'em all
Open up all their hearts
Remind them all you're the one
They all came to see
My heart starts to beat
So nervous, yet knowing this is my shot
I've got to take this leap
I've only got one chance and no room for failure
Scream out loud they need to hear you
This is your only chance to touch their hearts
If you do this right they always remember you
And tonight failure's not an option
So open your heart and SING
Don't be afraid tonight is your night to shine
Marpsy
Romeo and Juliet, Vegeta and Bulma
Stupid anime names breaking my lonely heart
This bleeding heart is smashed to bits
Kat and Nikki, Daimon and Serena
Passion for someone who doesn't return the feeling
Sighs and tears in the darkness
Sleepless nights filled with torturous dreams
Whoa stupid lying anime names
Romeo and Juliet, Vegeta and Bulma
Stupid anime names breaking my lonely heart
This bleeding heart is smashed to bits
Kat and Nikki, Daimon and Serena
Should've known better Romeo was such a liar
Broke Juliet's poor little heart in half
Said he loved her, said she was his all
Whoa stupid lying anime names
Romeo and Juliet, Vegeta and Bulma
Stupid anime names breaking my lonely heart
This bleeding heart is smashed to bits
Kat and Nikki, Daimon and Serena
Vegeta's a lying immoral jerk
Knocking up poor Bulma
Leaving her to raise a son all alone
Whoa stupid lying anime names
Romeo and Juliet, Vegeta and Bulma
Stupid anime names breaking my lonely heart
This bleeding heart is smashed to bits
Kat and Nikki, Daimon and Serena
Kat's a celebrity, Nikki's a rockstar
Neither knows the meaning of loyalty
Daimon's dead leaving Serena to cry
Whoa stupid lying anime names
Marpsy
Drip drip drip
The sound of liquid hitting the floor
Blood and tears, sweat and saliva
Scars that are souveniers
Etched in flesh, etched on your heart
Whirl through this world
Dance for the masses
Never let them see the nights
Where your blood and tears stain the ground
Let them only see sweat and saliva
Leave scars on their hearts
Drip drip drip
The sound of liquid hitting the floor
Blood and tears, sweat and saliva
Scars that are souveniers
Etched in flesh, etched on your heart
Even on your knees
Show no blood nor tears
Life's a ride, a race to the bottom
If you can leave scars on someone's heart
Don't let 'em see the scars in your flesh
You sweat and saliva marking the night
Drip drip drip
The sound of liquid hitting the floor
Blood and tears, sweat and saliva
Scars that are souveniers
Etched in flesh, etched on your heart
Blood and tears, sweat and saliva
Marks of a fight with this world
Show them all you can stand up
Entertain the masses
Leaving scars upon their hearts
Your words forever ringing in their souls
Never giving in even in your darkest hour
Sweat and saliva, blood and tears!
Marpsy
Stop saying those things
Enough with your selfish self pity
This one is your fault
You say you did what you thought
Was the right thing to do
Liar!
Screaming in my head
Are all your lies
Should have known better
You've always had it so easy
Now it's finally getting hard
So you want to give in
You say you meant well
You never meant to hurt me
Liar!
Screaming in my head
Are all your lies
Should have known better
You seem to think I should give in
Well I'm not going to
I've always had to fight
You say you haven't given up
Yet you've chosen the path of least resistance
Liar!
Screaming in my head
Are all your lies
Should have known better
What happened to not letting it end?
Why are you leaving me alone?
Were all your promises just lies?
Guess I should have known better
I can't trust you or your kind.
Marpsy
Unremarked the black rose dies
Blood pouring from her open wrists
She died as she lived
An unpleasant reminder of the sins of another
Where were you?
The words scrawled in her blood
Stand as an open accusation
To everyone who left her in her darkness
A stain upon their souls they can't wash away
Like the blood smeared upon the concrete floor
Unremarked the black rose dies
Blood pouring from her open wrists
She died as she lived
An unpleasant reminder of the sins of another
The pain was too much
Words scrawled in ink upon the page
Carved deep into her heart
Was the words of hate
That took her down this dark road
Everywhere is her blood and pain
Unremarked the black rose dies
Blood pouring from her open wrists
She died as she lived
An unpleasant reminder of the sins of another
Her eyes stare accusingly
As if begging not to be another statistic
To be a person, a tradgedy
Where were you?
Her words nag on the souls of her abandoners
Demanding an answer none can give
Black rose I remember your name
I can not close your wrists
Or answer where was I
I can only remember you.
Marpsy
Coward, run away
Don't mind the blood on your hands
It's not your fault you can't face your fears
It's not your fault you can't do anything but run
I am the fear in your veins
I am the hate that makes you cold
I am the bloody sin you left behind
I am that which you can't run from
You keep apologizing, trying to repair the damage
You keep lighting bridges on fire
Unable to hold unto the hand
That reaches out to help you from your darkness
I am the fear in your veins
I am the hate that makes you cold
I am the bloody sin you left behind
I am that which you can't run from
Her eyes are so cold and dark
Yet still she risks being plunged into Hell
You don't realize she's been a lot deeper
You're not dragging her down, she's holding you up
I am the fear in your veins
I am the hate that makes you cold
I am the bloody sin you left behind
I am that which you can't run from
You leave behind a terrifying bloody sin
Yet that very bloody sin seeks to heal you
Even at the cost of it's own sanity
Even at the cost of her own soul
You are the fear in my veins
You are the hate that makes me cold
You are the bloody sin I left behind
You are that which I can't run from.
Marpsy
Cold ice fills my veins
Part of me is too numb to feel pain
And part of me is absolutely furious
Rage mixed with sorrow and agony
Numb, filled with ice
Furious, too angry to even speak
In Agony from the bullshit you put me through
I should be screaming with rage
But I'm far too numb to feel the anger
Agony drives me to the edge of sanity
Sorrow nearly pushes me over
Numb, filled with ice
Furious, too angry to even speak
In Agony from the bullshit you put me through
I'm confused, this makes no sense to me
This numb feeling refuses to allow me
To scream, to cry, or even ask why
It's cold like ice filling my veins
Numb, filled with ice
Furious, too angry to even speak
In Agony from the bullshit you put me through
That fury is frozen beneath a layer of ice
Such rage brews within it even you should know
I'm going to snarl and punch you in the face
But the love I still feel holds back
Numb, filled with ice
Furious, too angry to even speak
In Agony from the bullshit you put me through
The pain is from the love I feel unrequited as usual
Angry that yet again even in a small way
I've been lied to by yet another
Numb from the shock at being shoved deeper
You're going to regret this someday
I'm so furious at being just a fling, again.
Marpsy
Alright fine I'll be blunt the man I love broke up with me for no fucking reason I'm bleeding struggling to live day to day and really don't care anymore. Add to that the seasonal darkness and well we'll see if this Bitch makes it to New Years
Fuck love. That is all.
It needs said. I've heard a lot of people say "you're too old for stuffed animals" to me so many times it makes me crankier than usual. Why is it that suddenly you turn eighteen and you're too old for comfort and security. I'll say this I have a teddy bear that I sleep with every night. His name is Doubt and he is a better friend than anyone else could be. Why? because he doesn't care who I am he takes the good with the bad the cranky with the loving. I'm sorry but since when did we as a society decide stuffed animals are only for little kids? My grandmother collected stuffed bears but I never once saw her touch them. As a kid that made me so sad for all those bears just sitting there day after day. At night I sleep with four stuffed animals. Okay so a stuffed animal is no replacement for a person but if I hadn't had Corey Jr in the hospital I think I would have spent all night awake unable to sleep because I was in a weird place by myself. Arthin Jr gaurds my dreams from nightmares and yes was a gift from Arthin himself. I also sleep with a giant stuffed lion that I've had since I was ten. I'm twenty now and I can't imagine a night without my beloved lion. I also collect stuffed animals but I love each and every one. I have Marpsy the stuffed tiger that I made in honor of the person who nicknamed me Marpsy. I have Salem my black cat. Valentine my stuffed white lion that I got for myself for Valentines day. I've given stuffed animals to my sister but some of mine I will never give up and why the fuck should I? Just because I'm an adult automatically means I have to give up my childhood? Where does it say that so I can deck the idiot who wrote it. It's not fair and I say fuck you
Okay that it IT! Guys listen the fuck up because for once I'm not going to nice to anyone. Look guys stop being whiny emo bitches. I'm not talking to solely emos I mean seriously I'm tired of males doing one stupid bullshit thing getting called on it and curling up in a ball all emo cuz oh my fucking god you forgot to tell me to grab my wallet or you didn't call your gf right at x time. It's pathetic and just makes me want to punch you. Also those of you with gf's WE WANT FUCKING ATTENTION! I should not have to dress like a whore to get some attention from you. And if plans fucking change tell me when they change not a week later when we get pissed and yell. Now for the females I know. STOP BEING A BUNCH OF WHINY EMO WHORES! I mean c'mon now you do not need to dress like a slut just to get his attention if you do dump his ass and find someone who will pay attention to you. Or suck it up and deal with it barbie I don't fucking care which. If he doesn't call don't curl up in a ball and be emo tell him off. Am I the last of my kind here? BE YOURSELF but if being yourself is a whiny emo bitch then maybe you need therapy. I'm sick and tired of talking to people who are upset about something fucking stupid. I understand being lonely that's acceptable to be a little sad about but not to the point no one fucking wants to talk to you because you're that fucking depressed. Also threatening to shoot someone over your period is not acceptable nor is it acceptable to purpose after less than two months I don't give a fuck who you are. A year minimum or you can assume you're joking thank you.
And yes this is a massive generalization but it's not necessarily untrue
*grabs soapbox and steps up on it* It needs said I didn't want to do I did't want to be the bitch but it needs said. Rping is an art. I'm sick of those god modders and impossible mutts. Stick to one fucking thing with weaknesses.
Example sorry if this insults anyone. All of the blood bar characters are god mods. Okay maybe not ALL but let's see there was the Fire Incarana several goddesses....S
Rant TIME! Anyways I'm off on a rare form rant. This one is a page straight out of my life. Drama
I hate TDI which is what I refer to high school as. Many people don't understand the most simple of all basic concepts. After high school there is no need to be drama. Honestly I'm sick and tired of my old friend group I went college grew up and now avoid TDI but my friends didn't graduate another flaw in them but a slightly more acceptable one. Once they graduated they failed to realize it is now time to be an adult. At least once a day I receive a text discussing why so and so is a bitch. Honestly I've stopped giving a damn. I mean I understand it's a tentative time but c'mon it's been six months pull your heads out of your asses and grow the fuck up. I mean it's one thing to get pissy because your friend doesn't have a wide open schedule and spends her spare time with her boyfriend who will come to her rather than you who won't but it's entirely another to threaten to shoot someone over your period. Nobody give a damn. Stop it. Furthermore if you choose family over friends fine but don't get upset that they don't understand. And on the other side maybe if you weren't dating a guy who was packing heat I'd have more sympathy. Nevertheless it's really not important anymore
Rant time Number 3 (yes I'm turning my diary into my personal soapbox slash bulletin board bite me)
The last two episodes I've discussed book series that were turned into movies now I'm moving on to a slightly more important topic. Yeah a lot of you are not going to like what I have to say but fuck it.Today I'd like to talk about holidays. Spefically in America. My British friends can tune out now if they want to
I hate Thanksgiving. Pure, blunt and simple. To me it represents the worst of all American ideals. I mean if you want to go the first thanksgiving Indians and Pilgrims route it might possibly be stretched to be a holiday about freedom but as I've said it's a stretch. I'm with Wednesday Adams (yes of Adams Family sue me) in her veiws. It's more about Gluttony and Rape. Because let's face it we destroyed the Native Americans culture, raped their land and their women at times, and of course tried very much to kill them. Plus there's whole stuffing our faces thing. I mean honestly folks don't you hate yourself just a little after Thanksgiving? Now I'll admit I have other slightly less sane reasons for my pure hatred of this holiday but those are simple why I don't celebrate it. Now unto the next major holiday. That's right I'm taking aim at Christmas. I personally love this holiday to a certain extent. I love getting gifts and I love giving them. Many of friends are receiving hand drawn pieces of my work but taking a more objective and less greedy point of veiw wow are we selfish. Christmas is supposedly (Christian roots aside I'm being nice and not going there) about giving and the spirit of family. I'm sory since when is spending several hundred dollars on your family the spirit of giving? How much did you spend on that toys for tots thing? Nothing? You have money? SHAME. Now I'll admit I don't like family, a lot I even hate but this year I'm suffering through Christmas with my family because it's not about me it's about them. I can't really say much about New Years. It's not really a holiday it's more of a yearly event than anything else. However I along with many others HATE Valentines Day. Now a lot of my reasons similiar Thanksgiving are crazy and unreasonable however let's go to the most basic reason. Those who are single feel like they are failing as people if they do not have someone. It also serves to point out how very lonely you really are. Me, personally I've nothing but bad luck on this particular holiday but I will say this. For a celebration of love it seems awfully selfish. I mean one love should celebrated year round and not shoved down people's mother fucking throats. Two why do we buy candy stuffed animals etc for this particular holiday? On to Easter. I do not know why we as Americans who are all for religious freedom insist upon making a CHRISTIAN holdiday a major holiday I kind understand Christmas. Hannukah and Ramadan fall around the same time and New Years as well. But really Easter is again about Gluttony pure and simple. Now unto my least favorite holiday and I can say whatever the fuck I want. I'm Fourth of July baby and yes the holiday celebrates our freedom but what the fuck is with this habit of blowing shit up and ignoring others. As a holiday baby I am forced to make excuses for people who really don't deserve them. Honestly and I'm talking to those of you who have a relative born on a holiday if going to ignore us on our birthday just don't talk to us. It's fucking stupid how many members of my family DON"T know my birthday it's a national fucking holiday you get the mother fucking day off. I speak for me and several others who have Christmas, Valentines Day Easter Halloween etc as our birthday. I like Halloween sorry that's all I got to say