well, im having a complete mental breakdown. my life offically blows. im stuck raising my son all on my own on a crappy 400 dollar cash grant, where to keep it i have to job hunt 20 hours a week in a town where unemployments so high, barely anyone has a job unless they've gone to college for like 4 years and they're working at the freaking mcdonalds! sorry, but nearly 100 fucking hours of job search a month is sure has hell not worth fucking 400 dollars. if i worked 100 hours a month, i'd have a fuck load more money and would actually be able to have my own place to live instead of being stuck in the hell hole known as my mothers house. its fucking terrorble there and im tired of the drama and my stupid family. its why i moved to new orleans in 2008. hell, i almost did get a job there at a subway, and thats before i had a fucking diploma! now im back in shitty ass michigan with a fucking highschool diploma and i cant get a single mother fucking call back.

Life pisses me off

So...

as i move on with my life, i cant help to stop and think about the past, even though it has done nothing but cause absolute hell for me. Well, i'm trying to forget the past and work on my future... i've been job hunting for a while now, though still no luck on that, and i am working very hard to be the perfect mother for my little boy. I'm trying to quit smoking, though with the stress, i'm unable to at this moment, i'm trying to get christoph to walk and crawl, though he isnt 8 months yet and i'm getting better at feeding him baby cereal 2-3 times a day instead of only once.

Ive made a resolution that i'm gunna go outside more, let the baby explore the world we live in while he doesnt understand it, you know, with that whole child's view where nothing is wrong, that way he would have seen it at least once before that reality is completely destroyed, that and going on walks with the baby will help me get rid of this stupid baby weight i obtained and since im quiting my depo shots this month, i wont fucking have as much hell losing weight.*shakes fists at depo*

in this, i would just like to say, FUCK YOU MY PAST. FUCK YOU COLLIN, FUCK YOU SETH, FUCK YOU JAKE, AND FUCK YOU TOO RICHARD. i'm glad every single one of you isnt apart of my life, fucking cheating assholes and rapists go rot in hell cuz thats where you belong.

Anyway, on a lighter note... i'm taking care of christoph completely on my own, am engaged to be married in 2 years to nick resley if he can survive the war and i can get money up to travel so we can have the wedding. If not, well, theres always my super hot friend adam who is currently in new york. i mean seriously, even if he is a whore, i'd still date him, i have before, though it was long distance.

i have no idea honestly why i'm writing this diary, guess its just boredom.. so yeah, no more writing... byeeeee