is posting a diary entry
with Zach


he's pretty

gotta go now ;)

So you still haven't written - big surprise - but Wendy says you're doing OK, which is cool. I've been wanting to tell you about this strange guy I met 3 weeks ago. No, we're not fucking, get your mind out of the gutter, perv. He's not even gay, I don't think - in fact, his vibe is kinda weirdly asexual. His name is Brian Lackey. He lives in Little River and, like yours truly, attends Hutchinson Loser Community College... So anyways, the day you left, your mom and I found him literally on your doorstep, looking for you. He says you and him played Little League together like 10 years ago. He was the worst player on the team, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... He's full of questions about you. But, of course, I haven't told him much, i.e. about your "line of work". I did say you were queer like me, only 'cause I figured you wouldn't care. But now, are you ready for the good part? He thinks that when you and him were little, you were both abducted and examined by space aliens. How brilliant is that? But he was completely serious when he told me this. Like you should've seen the look in his eyes. So, what's the story, dude? Were you abducted by a UFO or what? P.S. - Are your crabs gone yet?

I hate it when they look like Tarzan but sound like Jane.

where you are seems to be
as far as an eternity
outstretched hands, open hearts
and if it never ends then when do we start

i'll never leave you behind
or treat you unkind
i know you understand
oh, woah
and with a tear in my eye
give me the sweetest goodbye
that i ever did receive

pushing forward and
arching back
brins me closer to
heart attack
say goodbye and just
fly way
when you com back
i have somethings to say

how dos it feel to know
you'll nevr have to be alone
when you get home?
there must be some place here
that only you and i could go
so I can show you how i
feel

my Welsh grammar sucks
*makes mental note to practice a bit more*
i actually feel quite ashamed that i can speak two other languages a lot better than my first language, my home language

ydych chi eisiau dawnsio nick?

question:

what are your favourite bands/artists of the 90s?
what musical genres would you say define the era?

There's anger far behind the things,

That surface on your mind.

And bring your spirits down,

Because of all that comes before the rise and fall.

It's easier to hold your ground,

Your steady ground.

Discovering that over time

All the could-of-been's.

They blow your mind and speak to you.

And the voice you hear will stay with you,

Beneath the things you say and do.

So, let it out.

Let it out.

And they're waiting.

For something to change into something worth waiting for.

And they're waiting for something to change into something

Worth waiting for.

Somewhere off in the distance,

On the other side of your resistance.

Lies, a peacefull existence.

It waits,

What a difference it makes.

Without boundaries, no limits, no maximum reach.

No guidelines to follow.

One promise to each his own,

Individual.

A self-destination,

A wide-open journey,

on a path to creation.

Your life

Is happening now,



And they're waiting.

You were fun, you became boring.

You were astounding, you became disappointing.

You were close, you became distant.

I liked you, now i despise you.

I wanted you, now i resent that statement.

I adored you, now i can't bare to look at you.

You use others for your own personal gain.

You used me for another point to push your way up the league.

We met with open arms and small conversation.

We grew close as friends and shared intimate conversations.

I thought you were genuine, you were just the same.

I was blinded by you, now i see you for who you really are.

I was attracted to you, now i don't think about you.

You made me speechless, now i sum you up with one word.

I thought you were different, you became the same as the rest.

I thought you were genuine, you became a stranger who breathed lies.

You sympathised with my vulnerability, then you took advantage.

Your kiss seemed special, now it's destestable.

Your touch was comfort, now it's cancerous.

Your warm heart of love became a cold heart of evil.

Summer of exciting spontaneous faces is a long way, it must be the same old cycle ready to be broken when the frozen, bitter winds of hatred has been spent.

I'll forget.

But i will not forgive.

You're all the same.

No dignity.

No self respect or respect for others.

No self preservation.



You talk about your sexual conquests and all your 'new true loves' like they are a new must have fashion accessory, one of which is cheap and dull.



I hope that someday my belief in lonely protection will release me towards freedom and then capture you so that you really do end up alone.



Then you might think, Where did it all go wrong?

I want to tell you a secret

at 5am GMT i need to leave and walk to my mums to get my spare car key and meet my dad, who's taking me to my car (going so early because he's working early in west wales)
I contemplated going to sleep earlier (i've had an eventful weekend and am a tad tired) but then i didn't think i'd wake up on time, let alone perk me up enough to walk a couple of miles
so I'm keeping myself awake so I can just go to sleep when i finally get home

anybody feel up to helping me? :)

had a fucking fantastic night
zzzzooooooooommmmmmmgggg.
ooof.
willies galore
I was so drunk :/

I woke up in the freezing cold
in a garden

oh my. :P

this gentleman makes me cum




Tagg <3

I'm sick of playing the same bunch of songs over and over again, and the new stuff that's being released as 'alternative' is just crap.
I need to fill up a CD I'm burning, so I want some big, relatively "alternative" classics - no matter if they're cheesey
the kind of songs that you probably wouldn't admit to liking
but will gladly sing along to after a drink or five.
stuff kinda 5 years old or so
that shitty song "staceys mom" springs to mind
as does the Wheatus singles

suggestions on a postcard please xD

it's little chris' birthday tomorrow
he's the guy I'm training up in work
and he's little chris seeing as he's really short and ikkle
not to mention cute
but also, my partner DJ is also chris, who's at least a foot taller than him

seeing as I'll be with him tonight in work, I've got his present ready for tonight
I couldnt get a picture of the actual one off the internet
I wish I'd photographed it before wrapping it in a dozen or so sheets of newspaper
but here's one to give an example

picture the white set, undies and vest, but a hell of a lot more gay xD
I'm sure he'll love it, being the big hetero that he is :P

gahhhh
i am NOT looking forward to valentines day?
for why?
it'll be the first i've spent alone in about 6/7 years

i've only really had about 4 real relationships
and it upsets me thinking that i wont have anybody to care about this year

apologies if you've read this already, my diaries have been fucking up
just like me

anybody need a date for valentines?

I want to be happy again
I haven't been happy in such a long time
And I'm going to stop looking in the wrong places

And also, would like to start bybthanking those that
Understand
Sympathize
And forget


:)

Late new years resolutions:
Accept the impossible
Develop myself
Revert back to my forgotten, natural roots in order to find myself

I think I should just give up on this fake malarky, I thought if would be a nice bit of escapism tom life, but I guess nothings easy >.<

another head hangs lowly,
child is slowly taken.
and the violence causes silence,
who are we mistaken?

but you see, it's not met, it's not my family,
in your head, in your head they are fighting.
with their tanks and their bombs
and their bombs and their guns,
in your head, in your head they are crying...

the circus has fallen... down on its knees
big top is crumbling down
it's raining in baltimore... fifteen miles east
where you shoul be, noone's around

i keep forgetting which biscuits are hash and which are regular rum n raisin

i was wondering why i felt so good, i forgot i was out of the regular ones >.<

starting work for another club tonigt, DJing
wish me luck
gonna convert all the Chavs in Oceana to something vaguely resembling something 'Alternative' xD