A diary is it? A devise to share ones personal thoughts with ones self, so one may understand themselves better. How odd that it is public knowledge on this site, but I guess it makes since in some aspect. The urge to let others know how you feel and what your thinking is a wonderful thing, but the unwillingness to tell them yourself, in person, for fear of it going into def and misunderstanding ears is its curse.
I had a thought today,since were on the topic, it was a grand one indeed I came to the conclusion that I have nothing to live for, none of us really do anymore but, we push on don't we. We wake up every day, or night, to go and work for our money to pay our bills and try to have something to fill our ever emptying bellies. Then at the end of the week we get those two days, those glorious two days that are suppost to be the highlights of our everyday life, were every wish and dream comes true, but they never are, are they?
They never will be in fact, for as I said before, our bellies are always wanting more, but the funny thing is that they do not crave sustenance no, they crave much more, they crave love, relationship, contact with another living being, and the ability to be able to tell someone anything and everything that is on ones mind just to know that someone else is at least trying to understand what is going on in your twisted, mangled, and curious mind. A living diary that can give you a second opinion then kiss you afterwords and tell you that it is ok, there are those out there that do have this however, some of them are happy and still others are not satisfied, I do not understand the full lengths of this being as I do not have someone to give me that second opinion right now, but I do have the other so I know from a personal level that it sucks to always want, but never get, and it is this reason as to why I say that I have no real reason to exist...but I do it anyway.
Cause I still have that one hope that something will happen for everyone that will finally make them feel fully completed, fully awakened, and fully satisfied, its my curiosity to know if it even exists at all actually. They say that curiosity killed the cat but then the cat also has nine lives, so does this mean that after ten tries the being finally gets it right? Does that make the cat better than most and ahead of the game? or does it only make the thing more foolish than the rest?

I can only hope that its at least one of the two, cause then I would know that it wasn't all for not in the end after all.