My mom passed away last night
Hello one and all thought I'd let everyone know I am indeed alive and well tho I haven't been here in quite sometime ah well hearts to all my dear lovelies
She was always nothing more but a simple fleeting dream that lingered to haunt the senses she smelled of smoke and smelled of sin and tasted like sweet temptation always the sensation and yet I could never get enough of her love if that is what she called it
a rough draft of I do not know what that came into my mind at work
free write moment
If I ran would you run to catch me
to grab my hand pulling me close
or would you let me slip and let me
go not caring really if I came or went
what would you do?
would you stay or let me fall
hold me up or get cuts n bruises
What would you do?
At times quiet in my mind I find myself walking through your page again to see if maybe theres a trace of you there but you weren't so I wonder why what happened that you left me all alone...you said you had loved me, but those words seem so hollow now. They stick with me ringing in my mind at the most unfortunate times...I never can quite forget the ones who have held my heart just to walk away from me making me think did they really even care to begin with...No matter what I could have always made something work out...Didn't seem to matter though...So why do I still have your ghosts upon my heart?
I wonder what It would be like to have never even have walked through that entrance of fake. Maybe I would have been better off. I probably would never have been stupid enough to fall for anyone. So would I still have met the few who means so much to me here. Is their friendships worth these scars I feel deep inside of me? Or should I have never have come and be such a naive grown child in this world maybe. Maybe it would have been better off that way. Especially without all the false I love yous that people tend to say. I would have never have loved and lost so easily. The loves that I could have done so easily without. *sighes* I wonder...
You with her but you still think about that one you couldn't have the one you loved all along the one you keep loving and missin and hating yourself for letting her go and hurting you so bad like a knife between your eyes
Again ive played the ever naive but deserving fool to ever think a person from here could love me. Damn its called fake for a reason. So now it seems she has some master and doesnt even respond to my messages. So much for love its a crock n every one can shove it up the ass. Another slash thru my heart that will never heal n another tear n my eye damn love n damn life
When you say love do you mean it
or are you losing it
are we more or just friends
shrouded in make believe
are you mine or just a fleeting thought
or am I just lost
beat to beat
heart to heart
lets sit down watch it all fall apart
crumbling walls break apart around
showing nothing but darkness fill the chasm.
wave my hands like a magic wand
try to build it up again to no avail
its all broken down shattered
impossible to be pulled back into place
I wonder..why do I stay on this site? every time I go to leave someone befriends me reeling my right back here. It always plays out that way...Is this site a place I cannot escape? *sighs softly* Looks like I need to go to bed *hums A Little Piece Of Heaven*
Soon as I get my damn com up and working again now mom wants to cancel our net out of spite. Cause thats what it is. Pure spite. She says she shouldn't pay for something she doesn't use damn it shes in bed 99.9 percent of the whole damn time. I love when she just blames me for anything. Its making me more and more violent each day
If you read this, even if we don't speak often... post a comment with a memory of you and I. It can be anything, good or bad. When your finished post this paragraph in your diary and you'll be surprised at what people remember of you.
How does it feel when you know shes so much better without you in her life?
If I neglect any of my friends in attention I am sorry I won't be able to be on much. Dear father trying to get me to do things I dun wanna do and if I had my laptop I wouldn't give a rat's ass, but since that is dead I have to use mom's com which means I do have to folow them when they say stay off their damn fucking com. So I'm not ignoring anyone if I'm not on much. Just couldn't get to ya. Hes trying to make it so I only get an hour. Fuck he let that damn guy from next door play on hours and hours never got onto him. Pisses me off their damn double standards
Wrong always wrong WTF Its always me always I did wrong I did something wrong someone curses me on the phone its my fault my tone must be why fuck myself die die thats all I want *beats head against anything*
Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide!
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m blind
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m blind
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry!
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another.
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in blind
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m blind
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I’m crying now
I'm crying now
I'm crying now
I'm crying now
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding!
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I’m contemplating suicide
Cuz I’m losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm blind
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m blind
Nothing’s alright
Nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I can’t go on living this way
Can’t go on
Living this way
Nothing’s alright
Just Hold Me
Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days
But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i like rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know
And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to se me broken
And why do I still care
still care
You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all
But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i like rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know
And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to se me broken
And why do I still care
Poor little misunderstood baby
Noone likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days
And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to se me broken
And why do I still care
It has been decided. I'm closing myself down. No longer shall I let anyone close, because then I learn to love them and then I realize I can never keep them so that love is futile because sooner or later they find a significant other leaving me cold inside because no matter what I am without. Fuck this place fuck life and fuck the world I dun need it
New haircut. Not exactly what I wanted but it'll do.
nice song
Stand in the rain
by Super chick
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Dear god the only thing
I ask of you is to sever
this heart from my chest
so I never love again
This pain burns to deep inside
of me till I'm dead and collld
(I just make random stuff up to different song melodies XD)