omg i HATE my brain. it rejected the last two ideas i've come up with and will probably reject this one too but you know what, fuck that. If i ignore them they'll only bother me more so whoopty-doo here I go. 

SO not a right concept but guy like 21 22 (spirit guide) not even going to get technical like someone is reading this b/c no one reads my diary entries. Anyway, don't know his name but he's a spirit guide sent from some higher forces to protect Koda who is some way twisted and tied into the plotline by..oh i dunno...his brother...something. Anyway, the afore said higher powers want him dead, Koda is sent 21 22 dude who inexplicably falls in love with him. might i mention koda is 15. anyway yucky yaoi fun ensuse as Koda learns that 21 22 isn't actually his, wasn't supposed to be sent but did anyway. BETRAYAL! work through problems, wrong underaged homo sex THE END. there, i free wrote it, no ones going to read it. ta-fuckin-da. 

Jun sighed and read her mother's sporadic email. Her coffee warmed her hand as she sat, wondering if she should email back or not. She hadn't been well since her father had died a year ago; the trauma of it had left her mentally unstable and abusive. Jun moved out the first chance she had, her uncle having the mercy to pay for an apartment for her. The early morning sunlight poured through the windows as she decided to close her mother's email, without a response. She was late for school as it was, she didn't have time to type out a painfully dull email like usual. Nothing special ever happened to her, it was the same thing every day. She hastily poured the coffee into a thermos and headed out the door, locking it behind her. She had to walk four blocks to school, it wasn't far thankfully, or she would be really late. Springer High School was the average public school, she had a few friends there, but she rarely hung out after school. She felt so exhausted all the time, like she was putting up a false front that took all her energy. Her mother always insisted she go to therapy, but she didn't want it. She didn't like the idea of pouring all her emotions out to a stranger. The truth was she was a different person than she was before her father died. She was a happy child, popular, and outgoing. 
She didn't feel happy anymore. Her father's career killed him. A Soldier was a very valuable position; it was military but also a political stand, especially since his Fighter Unit was Akio. Her father had never allowed her to meet him, he never brought him to the house but she knew of him through stories. Her father and Akio were the greatest fighting pair the military had ever seen. Jun watched her feet as she walked, a sigh escaping her. Her father was born and raised a Soldier, she, however, was not. He had no sons to carry on, and the military preferred boys over girls. Her father assured her that no Fighter Unit would ever choose her, she was too weak. She knew very little of the military's procedures when it came to Fighter Units. All she really knew was that they were literally raised by the military and after their training was over they were set loose to find their Soldier. The one and only person they would ever be able to fight for. This pairing was important, because if the Soldier were to die the Fighter Unit would then be terminated. Only on very rare occasions did the Fighter get reassigned, and if it was, it wasn't by the choice of the Fighter but by military officials. After her father's death she never heard anything about Akio again, she figured he was terminated like so many other Fighter Units. 
She looked up at her school building, the bell had already rung for first hour but she didn't rush herself. She never rushed for anything anymore. She managed to duck into her first class, only being noticed by her friend Chelsie who gave her a strange look. Jun ignored it. The girl was loud, and prone to overreaction, she would question her later for sure. No on knew about her mother, or her living arrangements. She made sure that no one would question her as more than a high school student, it made things…simpler. Despite the fact that Chelsie was very intuitive and had many times come close to exposing her as a fraud. She was careful with the girl, for good reasons. The teacher barreled on about the process of a nerve impulse as it travels through a nerve and Jun took notes. School was something she had taken well to since her father's death, it gave her something to do and throw herself into when she needed it. Her grades never faltered anymore, and at this rate, any college would take her. The bell rang, and as she had predicted Chelsie walked right over to her. 
"Why were you late this morning, I was worried?" Jun held her exterior and fought the urge to sigh as she gathered her things. 
"I woke up late, that's all. I honestly have no idea why you worry about me so much." Chelsie blinked at her as they walked to the doorway. 
"Because sweetie, I've lost a parent too. I know how it gets." Jun rolled her eyes and forced a smile.
"I'm not going to kill myself or anything ok? You really shouldn’t try to be my mother." With that she managed an escape down the hall. She didn't lie to her she never considered suicide. If anything, she feared death more than she had before her father passed away. She managed her other classes smoothly, not meeting a hitch until lunch. She ate with five of her friends, Chelise wasn't there today, probably off with a boy again, but Sarah, Madeline, Drew and Alex were all there. Sara was with Alex, her boyfriend of about six months now, and Madeline flirted with Drew, but never had the guts to do anything else. Jun couldn’t really talk either; she had the worst track record of all. Absolutely no boyfriend, ever, not even a kiss or holding hands. She was a classic prude, but only because she had never met anyone she actually liked. Their conversation reached her as she neared.
"Did you see that guy out there? He's been there since second hour." Sarah nodded at Madeline.
"I wonder who he's waiting for. He's really cute." Drew shot her a worried look but she was completely oblivious as Alex welcomed her first. 
"Hey Jun, did you see the guy outside. He's just been standing there smoking since-" Jun interrupted.
"Second period, I heard. No I haven't seen him. What's the special interest?" Sarah looked around and leaned in as the others did the same. So it was a secret. 
"People are saying he's a Fighter Unit. There's kids here whose parents are Soldiers, everyone is excited because he might be here to choose one." Jun shook her head. 
"It doesn't work that way and they should know that. You have to be a Soldier, not just related to one." Madeline shook her head furiously, her black curls bouncing. 
"It's just preferred Jun, not required. Your father was a Soldier, maybe he'll choose you." Sarah squealed loudly, taking the boys off guard.
"Wouldn’t that be so exciting? It would be a whole new life just like that!" Jun looked at the ground, unable to hide her disappointment. 
"It won't be me Sarah, I'm too weak for a Fighter Unit to choose me. My father said so." The others quieted but didn’t stay that way for too long. 
"Well I still think it could happen. Who knows, but the man outside?" Madeline nodded in agreement as the boys made their way to a lunch line. Jun started for the tables.
"Aren't you getting something to eat?" Jun shook her head. 
"I'm not really hungry, I'll get us some seats before they're all taken." Sarah nodded and followed the others as Jun went to their usual spot and took up five seats for them. She spotted Chelsie along the way, as she had predicted, a boy was with her. He was cute, but far too pretty for Jun's taste. Maybe that was why she had never had a boyfriend, maybe she was too picky. She set her stuff down and sat quietly, waiting for the others as she thought. There was no real way to tell if the man outside was a Fighter Unit unless someone had asked him. That was always a possibility, but then again it was a greater possibility that it was a rumor made out of boredom. There probably wasn't even a man. The others arrived shortly and proceeded with their gossip and talk. Jun didn't participate, as usual, but she did listen. It was usually interesting things that took place, like a girl getting an abortion after sex with a teacher, or a boy disappearing for weeks and then showing up again. She also liked their decisions as to things like that, like Madeline being so sure that aliens had abducted him and then replaced him with a duplicate. It was all stupid and ridiculous things, only further confirming her decision on the apparent Fighter Unit outside. 
"Alex, did you hear if anyone had talked to him, or even asked him if he was a Fighter?" They all quieted, surprised by her sudden question. Alex quickly recovered and pulled out his phone. 
"Let me text a friend to confirm the story ok?" Sarah eyed her with a grin on her face. 
"Someone is suddenly interested." Jun didn't look at her.
"Shut up, I just want to prove that it's all just a stupid rumor." Alex closed his phone, seemingly confident of his contacts he just confirmed.
"Joni said that Regan told Benny to ask him. He walked up to him and asked him and he said yes. It's totally true Jun." She shook her head.
"I don't trust a story passed down by a friend of a friend of a friend, especially if Regan is in the loop, she's a chronic liar." Sarah elbowed her.
"Then why don't you confirm it your self. I dare you to go ask him." Madeline dropped her fork as Alex stared at Sarah wide eyed, Drew shook his head at her but Jun didn't do a thing. She actually considered it, she could find out for herself and stop everyone's stupid gossip about it. A Fighter Unit wouldn’t go to a high school to pick up a Soldier. 
"We all have a study hall seventh hour. We'll all meet in the courtyard and I'll ask and shut everyone up, deal?" They all nodded, Sarah seeming especially happy at the arrangement. 
"Deal, and then we can all suffer through a three hour after school for skipping." Madeline winced but didn't back out, she wanted to see it too.
"And Jun," Sarah looked at her sternly, "I can bet you my next weeks paycheck that he'll be a Fighter and that he's here for you." Jun smiled, wanting to lighten the mood, it was all becoming too serious for her. 
"How do I know you haven't gone and asked him this already? You seem so sure." They all laughed and Sarah shook her head. 
"I'm strong, but you know I'm not that strong. I’m not like you Jun." Jun stared at her books as they went back to their conversations. Strong? Was she really strong? Or was she just scared? 

so sweet idea is coming to my head again. inspired a little by loveless but not entirely. it's just now beginning to fabricate and i'm so excited because i haven't had the inspiration to write anything in a long while. maybe if i watch a few more vids on youtube i'll gather something complete. hopefully. well now i'm just rambling. >.<


here goes, free write!:
so the main char is a girl, just makes thing easier for me, and her father is whats known as a Soldier. they protect the civilians by using other people, special people with special training and talents called Fighter Units. they are born and raised in the govnt. and when their training is finished they go out and find their Soldier. Usually it's someone already involved in the government military, very rarely is it not and usually it's frowned upon. Most of the time if a father or mother is part of the military, their first born son will be as well, sons are wanted not daughters. Usually women involved in the military enlist themselves and it's difficult for them due to no ties inside the government. Each pair of Soldier and Fighter Units not only defend their homeland but also compete with eachother on a regular basis in order to climb the military ladder so to speak. Each low pair answers to a higher government official and other officials will order their pairs to fight with others and so on. Each win not only raises the status of the fighting pair but also the official they answer to. If a fighting pair were to be seperated, say the Soldier was killed or died, the Fighter Unit is usually terminated, very rarely is it reassigned because usually they only work well with one person. And if it is reassigned it's done so by the government, not by the Unit's free will. 

Now for the actual story line. Our Heroin, lets call her Suki for now, is the daughter of a military man named JoJo(for now.) He's a Soldier in an elite pair for the military. They answer to Colonel Lions (temp) who has grown considerably with the help of her father and his fighter unit Sojo (temp). her father dies in battle and Sojo goes missing for months after his death as Suki wrestles with inner demons. She moved out and away from her mother who was losing her sanity and becoming abusive. i won't give away too many details but sojo returns after months of no trace of him anywhere to tell Suki that he has chosen her. she refuses him, knowing the rules and not understanding a lot of things. She feels she's too weak, it was why her father never trained her, he had no sons only her, and she was too weak to be a Soldier. Story ensues. 


well that's all for now. 

so no ones online so i guess i'll talk to u. i'm bored and kinda stuck with the prom thing b/c there is absolutely no one i could go with, well...maybe nick lee. good god, if nick goes with a date and i don't i'm gunna throw myself off a building. so no one loves me enough to be on fucking fake and i'm getting kinda tired of it b/c it's the same ppl online all the time every night and i fucking miss warcraft. my god what i would give for some wowage right now. *sigh* i think i'd give my right tit to play my rogue and pwn fucking hordes and laugh at the noobs like the good ol' days. the problem is tho, i have no wow boyfriend now to help me out when i need it. warcraft just got a little lonelier and harder for me *sigh* good night and good luck fucker. 

*sigh* so no boyfriend is fun sometimes and other times really sucks. I don't really want the sex, i just want the shelter, or something like it. I like the feeling that I have a shield, someone to lean on instead of me being by myself and the one all my friends rely on. Where's my soft place?? I want the large warm hands, the comforting embrace, common interests and conversations. Playful flirting but so PG little kids could watch. I don't have a single shot for this until college seven months from now >.< my pent up frustration has only just begun. 

So i've decided i'm going to use this for my stories i write occasionally. but don't get too attached, i rarely finish them b/c i lose interest easily. anywho, i came up with this piece kinda out of nowhere, it's a bit o' fantasy fictionish thingy. I call it BELOVED.

Prologue

Suki sat and stared at her still fingers hovering over the keys of her computer. Her room was dark, her head hurt like hell, as the light from the monitor filled her solemn silhouette. She was bent unattractively over the pulled out rest for her keyboard, her shoulder length brown hair hanging down her bruised face. Her bare slender legs were crossed neatly in her high backed computer chair as her thin wrists rested against the wood of her desk. A large baggy T-shirt hung loosely on her small frame; she was too thin, with too large brown eyes. She sighed and stared down at her arms once more, away from the disheartened blank document. She had bruises and various cuts, so very unattractive. She loved her hands though, her beautiful hands. Her fingers were long and slender with fine white nails at each of her fingertips. They were delicate just like the rest of her, simple yet somehow so very valuable to her. A banging on her locked door made her jump and twist in her chair to watch the shadow of her mother dart in the small crack under her door. 
"Suki, are you all right? Please, let me see your face." Without control her frame began to shake lightly at the fear of facing her mother. 
"Please mother I'm fine, not even a mark I promise." She flinched as her mother pounded herself against the door, the knob twisting futilely. She probably didn't even remember that it was her that had bruised her hours ago. 
"Suki dammit open this god damn door! Let me in Suki! LISTEN TO ME!" Suki turned back to her monitor, trying her best to ignore the screams. Her voice was shaking despite herself.
"Mother please, go to bed. I'm a bad child I know it. Just please, I'll see you in the morning." Her mother stopped pounding, her fists were bruised for sure after that episode. Suki would have to lie to her again in the morning.
"I won't go to bed until your father gets home Suki, you know that." She flinched, and whispered quietly to her hands in her lap.
"Father's dead." She sat motionless, quiet, barely even breathing for a few moments until she heard her mother retreat back to their living room. She let go a breath she didn't even know she was holding and stared again at her monitor. It was useless, if she couldn’t find something to write about before she wouldn't find anything in her to write about now. She wanted to disappear, to fade and never have to face her mother again. She was such a beautiful woman, but she couldn't handle her father's death. She broke in only a few weeks, but Suki could never leave her. She was the only person in the world her mother had left. Her slender fingers found her face in the darkness, illuminated by the mechanical light of her monitor, the blank white document before her. The little cursor blinked mockingly as she gingerly traced the skin around her left eye down to her cheekbone and jaw. Her mother had thrown a shoe at her in anger, saying that she had driven her father away, that she was the one who made him leave. The swelling wasn't bad; it would be gone by morning but would leave behind a terrible bruise. She wished she didn't bruise so easily. 
Suki grit her teeth together in anger, she was angry with her mother, with the world at that instant. Things completely outside of her ability and power occurred without any type of instigation by her and for some reason everything, everything around her fell onto her shoulders. Her fingers found the keys before she could stop herself:

I hate you; Father killed himself because YOU cheated

Suki swallowed hard and stared at her hateful words, but her heart wouldn't allow her to backspace them away. She saved and closed the document before shutting off her monitor and plunging herself into total darkness.