so, I was sitting in my room, naked, eating jelly-beans, and chanting the lotus sutra...WHEN A NINJA ATTACKED ! He jumped out of my closet and was all, like, "HYAAAAAAAAAAA! I'm a ninja." And of course, I jumped up and shouted "I'll eat your head!" The ninja did a flying jump kick which I parried with a wombat. not expacting this, the ninja flew into a cornfield a trillion trillion miles away in a place that doesn't exist on earth. I flew after him. I landed nearby and he was like, " I NEED MORE POWER!" and started screaming insanely. I said " I WILL DEFEAT YOU AND AVENGE MY FAMILY!" and started screaming as well. My family sat back at home, sipping coffee and wondering why their ears were ringing. After about seventy nine minutes of incessant screaming and arm flexing, we lunged at one another! Except I jumped and he more of fell face first into the dirt because he unwittingly stuck his foot in cow poop when he landed, thoroughly cementing him to the cornfield. thusly, I landed on his head. Suddenly, a voice from nowhere shouted "FINISH HIM!" So I picked him up and ripped his heart out, had him sign it, and turned it into the head office of the ninja academy while it was still beating and got my Nin-ternship entry exam papers while the voice from nowhere shouted "FATALITY BITCH! LOLOLOL LQTM LMFAO ROFL!!!!!112"

"The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead" By Max Brooks



TOP 10 LESSONS FOR SURVIVING A ZOMBIE ATTACK

Man....humans are funny little creatures aren't they? I never thought I would have the pleasure of colelcting their eternal souls! I mean, seriously! I thought I thought I would be stuck on my plain for several more centuries!