You know..it's such a horrifying reality check when you feel that you've finally met someone that you can relate to that just..makes all your stress, depression, self loathing and fear disappear..and then in the next moment they're gone. I know everyone has experienced this. And it seems like my Penguin was..well..just my Penguin to me.

My heart is numb, and I've no idea what emotions to feel. Should I be angry? Depressed? Should I loathe her for hurting me this way? Or should I, in all reality, be kicking and loathing myself to allow myself to believe that it would actually work out the way I saw it in my head?

Actually..I take that back. My heart isn't numb..it's been shattered beyond repair..

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You know..I don't often post diaries here. But, when I do, it's usually song lyrics. So, I'm probably going to blow some people away with this one.

I'm fucking done. I'm tired of games, tired of lies, and just plain fucking tired. Why do people intentionally do things to get someone's hopes up, then make excuses to keep it FROM happening? I honestly think I could probably live the rest of my life as a hermit and get better fucking results than I do now.

Alright. Rant time. I haven't had one of these since my wasted trip to Urgicare.

*Begin Rant*
First and foremost. What the FUCK happened to the English language? Has anyone else actually noticed that the further along we progress in time, the more ignorant and uneducated people seem to be? Un-fucking-believable. It's so sad, really. Here I am, a high school drop out, and I apparently use my grammar and spelling skills much more so than people that JUST graduated high school! WHY?! It seems to me that standards in this country are becoming so lax that eventually "text speak" will be an acceptable form of writing. Seriously? Someone fucking shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Secondly, what is it with people that completely and totally bash and/or condemn any act that they simply cannot justify inside their tiny little heads? I'll never understand this. Here's the scenario: Woman calls another woman on the telephone and asks her if she's been going to church recently. Second woman replies that she hasn't been to church in a while, but she knows where her salvation lies.
Later, second woman's sister calls on the telephone. The two begin discussing church and new revelations become apparent. It seems that a church has condemned all homosexuals, bisexuals, and those that have no preference. They have also condemned all mentally challenged people, for reasons that were not specified.

Now, with that being said. What..the..FUCK? Okay, I was raised Southern Baptist and I've heard things like this before. "Marriage was meant to be between a man and a woman" "It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." etc etc.

So someone explain this to me. How is it that people who are supposed to be "accepting of everyone" and people that are meant to "Love their neighbors as they love themselves" are getting away with making these judgments? The answer? In my opinion? They get away with anything they think they can because their "Lord" who "died for their sins" will forgive them, etc etc.

Fine. I'm not bashing religion. I'm really not. I'm just trying to understand. So, PLEASE, someone help me understand this.

And speaking of this matter. George Carlin, who I believe is the greatest comedian of all time, made a very interesting point. So ponder this, if you will.

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky, watching everything they do and they'll believe it. Tell them that the fresh looking paint on a bench is wet, and they have to touch it to be certain." (Not an exact quote, but basically the gist of it.)

*End Rant*

I think I can finally see the truth. I can't believe it's taken me this long. After everything that I've given up and sacrificed, I now see where I stand. So, this is me throwing in the towel.

So, apparently I've found out that some people on here think that I'm er...attractive. "Hot" I believe was the term used. *sigh* Sometimes I wish these kind of people would just come out and say it. No, I'm not fishing for compliments. It's just nice to hear once in a while from people that I'm not close to, I guess.

Random thought, here. I hate it when I just get comfy and my bladder decides I have to pee. =.=;

Wow. I think my brain just exploded from the lack of grammar skills on display from some of the members here... I didn't think it would ever be possible.

Go ahead and laugh at me. I don't care. This song is amazing.

This will forever be my home state's song. :D

So, apparently I've decided that I'm going to try to do something with my lack of talent as a musician. I'm in the process of working on a song, and hopefully Mike will text me or something and tell me he's coming over to help with it. The song is mostly his idea, but I'm going to be lame and try to work out a solo for it. Maybe if we have something decent when it's all said and done, I'll post a link to a recording or something.

So, I'm thinking about clearing my friends list here pretty soon. Apparently, it's gotten to where a lot of people on it and myself don't really talk anymore. I guess if you want to stay, shoot me a quick message. I'll give you guys until Friday, June 15th. :)

Thank you so much for feeding my suicidal thoughts. It's just what I needed from someone that I was supposed to be close to. It's okay though. I'll still be here tomorrow, regardless of what you say or do. You can't tear me apart any worse than I already am. I have no place in my life for someone that does nothing but abuse the friendship that I've done nothing but try to keep together, regardless of all we've been through together and apart. It's funny how I discover something new every day. And it's also funny that every time I take a positive step, it only takes three words from you to drop me back to square one. Right back to the state I've been fighting to get out of for the last six years. Thanks for all you've never done for me.

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I'm curious. If you have my page on your watch list, name three of my favorite bands from my bands for jaffar wiki. Without looking :)