[Death's Hellhound]'s diary

19062  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-07-16
Written: (5758 days ago)

THis is to you you know who you are

Understand

The loneliness growing in my heart
The darkness consuming my soul
It’s all because of you
It’s because I’ve sat here
Watching you silently
Not letting you see
What I wanted
I didn’t think I could bear
Anymore pain
Even though watching you
Was hurting me
You can’t understand
Why I won’t look you in the eye
Why I just look away
Why I’m crying right now
I wish you could understand
I won’t speak those fatal words
Not to you not to anyone
I won’t have them thrown in my face
Not by you not by anyone
You want me to say something I can’t
You say I’m your friend
Do you honestly think that’s what I want?
Do you see that pains me even more?
That is why I avoid you
You’ll understand someday
But for now I’ll just stay away
So that the pain doesn’t show
So that I can’t hurt you.

Marpsy

19043  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-07-15
Written: (5759 days ago)
Next in thread: 19060

ICE

This wall of ice that I built around my heart
Is slowly killing me
I feel the chill of loneliness getting stronger
I want someone to shatter this wall of ice
To break down all the barriers
I've put between myself and another heartbreak
To heal the hurt
Even though I know there's no one there
And eventually this chill will kill me
Until then I'll carry on
I'll protect my angels, my family, and my country
And pray that before this chill kills me
Someone rescues me from it
Because if it doesn't go away soon
It will stop my heart
Because it's not something I can escape from
Or even fight against

Marpsy

19030  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-07-14
Written: (5760 days ago)

I'm so fucking stupid I've fallen for the one person I shouldn't. I'm so stupid I want to die. He's so blind and he'll never see that the girl crying over him is me. He'll never know that I care about him because he can't see beyond what he wants
Why do I always end up being the one they never see?
I keep bleeding on the inside and I keep ending up crying. And for what? To get hurt again? I don't know why I bother. It's just not worth it. I give up. I surrender. I'm not meant to be happy apparently. I'm meant to be the old spinster who has spent her entire life watching her friends leave her one by one until she's all alone. Wait too late I already am all alone.

19013  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-07-13
Written: (5761 days ago)

DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I'm not drunk but lil sis is. I'm tipsy...well slightly drunk and I'm not happy so I'm bitter

19001  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2009-07-12
Written: (5761 days ago)
Next in thread: 19002

So bloody confused
I want to break up with my bf but I don't I want to be his forever but I don't. It hurts. I keep falling and I can't stop. Help me please. The pain is unbearable and it's killing me

18915  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-07-06
Written: (5768 days ago)

All my friends,
I care about those I call friend. I don't abandon and I'm willing to go through hell for them. Why? because they saved me from myself. They didn't give up on me so I refuse to give up on even one ofthem

18773  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-06-26
Written: (5778 days ago)

Sorry about the recent absence
Also I deeply apologize for my bitching and whining in the past oh year or so... Let's just say I'm done with that and if you need to get my attention smack some sense into me

18329  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-05-21
Written: (5813 days ago)
Next in thread: 18347

So today was the self defense final
I blacked out but everyone says I did really good I got away really fast and won really easily. All I know is that I got attacked twice and then I was sitting across the room in my uncle's lap panting for breath

18316  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-05-19
Written: (5815 days ago)

Okay so we're going to explain my current sort of what the hell? mood.
First of all Wednesday and again Monday [hjj jjj] asked me to marry him.
I told my demonic mother and brother [Nafycen Tekalcey] and [Daemon]. Their reaction differed only in one small detail. Nafycen said he had to do it right meaning ring and all....Not sure why she thinks he won't but whatever. Edward on the other had reacted like he wanted to kill my boyfriend(now fiance I suppose). His reaction confused me since he has never before cared what I do

18247  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-05-13
Written: (5821 days ago)

I don't care what you say. All of you want one thing because I'm not good enough for anything else. I'm tired of pretending I'm worth something when I'm not. I hate myself. It's not okay. I'm not alright

17986  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-04-09
Written: (5855 days ago)

Okay folks here it is

The only good thing to happen this week: I have a girlfriend

Now for the bad shit
1) My dad tried to kill himself
2) Social services is being gay
3) My shoulder is quite painful
4) Sam and Kate my sisters are being super bitchy
5) I'm feeling f***ing lonely too

17801  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2009-03-15
Written: (5881 days ago)

Lately I feel like crying for no reason whatsoever I don't understand it

17766  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-03-11
Written: (5884 days ago)

All right folks I'm going to tell you this right now my parents are getting a divorce and This is making me unhappy. So if you really want to fuck with me go ahead because I am more than ready to kill someone. I have had just about all the stress I can take so don't push me unless you want to know what the word "Bitch" really means got it?

17599  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-02-19
Written: (5904 days ago)

All right folks seriously I am on the verge of suicide. Nothing in my life seems to be going right and I've been carrying a teddybear nonstop since Tuesday

16931  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-01-13
Written: (5941 days ago)
Next in thread: 16941, 16951

I hate my life. I hate everyone asking me if I'm okay. Do I look okay to you? I hate my parents. I hate this god damn school. I hate that no one realizes how close I am to suicide. I hate that the only thing holding me back is what my dead baby brother would think. I hate that every day I wish to god I'd died the night before. I hate that no mater how often I tell people I'm fine I know deep down I'm not. I hate that everyone seems to think a hug will make everything better. I hate how stupid and small I feel. I hate hateing myself. I hate crying every night because the pain won't go away and it just keeps getting worse no matter what I do. I hate that I don't have the guts to cut or tell anyone what's wrong. I hate that I don't trust anyone. I hate that if I stop to think I want to cry.

16930  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-01-13
Written: (5941 days ago)

Helll no on rye

16675  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-12-19
Written: (5966 days ago)

I'm so excessively happy my best friend is moving back to where I live I can't even tell you

16553  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-12-10
Written: (5975 days ago)
Next in thread: 16555

Omg I love sex I'm not a virgin anymore!

16510  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-12-05
Written: (5980 days ago)

When you break the heart of a girl like me
When you make a girl like me cry
You had better watch out
Because we don't ever forgive
And we never forget
So in 10 years remember this is your fault
You had your chance and you threw it away
Whatever else happens I'm going to make you regret
Breaking my heart and making me cry
I'm the kind of girl who goes farther
To spite those who have hurt me
One day you'll see my name
And you'll know I still haven't forgotten
And I most certainly haven't forgiven
You'd do well to remember
That you only have yourself to blame
Because when you break the heart of a girl like me
When you make a girl like me cry
We don't get even we get ahead
So you had better watch out

Marpsy
So yeah that's me

16458  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-12-01
Written: (5984 days ago)

I hate that I ever fell for you. I hate that I thought I had a chance. I hate that you're my type. I hate the way you look. I hate that you hug me. I hate that I can't stop thinking about you. I hate your eyes. I hate your bread. I hate that whenever I see you I feel like jumping for joy. I hate that you helped me.

 The logged in version 

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