So riding
well all and all it was enjoyable
Unfortunately two people got somewhat injured. First was me. I got to ride Sonya (the horse) first... but um not before getting my left foot stepped on. Later I got slammed into a tree branch bigger than me o.o and still later I had my right foot stepped on. Well that's what horses do.
Naomi got injured worse. First off the horse slid and fell into a tree causing Naomi to get slammed into said tree. Later on she let the horse run and got thrown into barbed wire fence. (OUCH) Mike the resident "nurse" declared that one of her cuts might need stiches. Poor Naomi that had to hurt. If you want to show your sympathy drop a line to my mother [Nafycen Tekalcey]
EXCITED!!!!
I'm going to Elitches Saturday instead of putting up with my cousins whom I love but really can't take in large doses. Woot. My Aunt Noel called and said it's fine if I change plans on her. Again Woot.
something that warmed my heart to no end
Sara: YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME AND GOING TO LHS!!! I WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU JUST BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN! Plus you are on newspaper staff next year, and I need your writing ability, and i need you there for me!!!! THATS RIGHT THE WORLD DOES REVOLVE AROUND ME! so there...I am not letting you go!!!
SCREW EVERYONE ELSE! WHEN DID YOU EVER START CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT!?!? NEVER! Be yourself and never change for anyone. If they can't handle you at your worst then they sure as hell dont deserve you at your best.
DON'T RUN AWAY! REVENGE IS MORE YOUR STYLE! DONT LET THEM WIN
If you read this, even if we don't speak often... post a comment with a memory of you and I. It can be anything, good or bad. When your finished post this paragraph in your diary and you'll be surprised at what people remember of you.
Betrayal. Cold betrayal. I thought of all people you would understand how much it hurts to be betrayed by those closest to you. Apparently not. You took what I said and twisted it into something else entirely. The pain of it is killing me inch by inch because I trusted you more than a lot of people and you threw that trust in my face and used me like a plaything. All I ever asked of you was that you not betray me and what did you do? You betrayed me the same as everyone else always does. I give and I give and I give. I bleed and I sweat and I cry. And in the end none of it ever matters because the people who I thought were protecting my back are really betraying me. If I've learned one thing it's not to turst anyone. Ever.
Nicknames I'd rather I didn't have
little little -wtf? why the hell would you call someone little little
Sharebear- Do I look like a carebear to you honestly?
Sherbert- idk just annoying
I'm causing pain to all the things I care about and it's just hurting and hurting and hurting and I can't bear it anymore
Question: Are my friends trying to kill me?
Answer: Quite possibly
TO MY FRIENDS
I apologize now I'm leaving. I'm switching schools so that I can't hurt the people I love anymore
What Love is Really Worth
Love really isn’t worth it
My heart bleeds a little more each day
Because I love you
And I know you’ll never love me
Look away, don’t see my tears
Don’t comfort me
I don’t want your pity
You know I can’t bear it
Yet you ask me to
If only for a little longer
Heartsore I continue to protect you
I am tired of the pain
Yet I hate the absence of feeling
I cut just to feel
If only for a moment
Strange as it sounds
Pain is the only thing I can feel
You didn’t know me before
All happiness drained from my life
You knew me before
I discarded the mask
You knew me when
I could pretend I felt something
Other than pain
Marpsy
Heartbroken Angel
1 Your love makes my heart hurt
2 Your hate makes it bleed
3 Please stop this game it’s too much for me to take
4 Either say you love me
5 Or say you hate me
6 But stop swinging back and forth
7 And breaking my heart even more
8 Your love is killing me slowly
9 I no longer want to because it’s cutting me like a knife
10 You say you’re my friend
11 So why must you hurt me so?
12 All I want is for you to hold me tight
13 And never let go
14 Yet I know that’s impossible
15 Because you’ll never love me
16 And that is what hurts me so
17 Love me
18 Hate me
19 I don’t care anymore
20 You’ve hurt me too much to believe you when you say you love me
21 But I love you too much to believe you hate me
22 So I’ll just pretend you don’t exist
23 I will never understand why you insist on playing with my heart
24 Isn’t it enough to know I love you can’t live without you?
25 Why do you need to make me feel awful about myself?
26 Why must you play this twisted game with my heart?
27 Hating you would be sweet bliss
28 But I can’t bring myself to do it no matter how hard I try
29 The lies hurt
30 The truth hurts
31 I thought I could handle
32 You not loving me
33 But now I’m not so sure
34 You say we’re just friends
35 But when you kiss me I forget that
36 Why must you keep kissing me?
37 If you meant it kiss me again
38 If you don’t mean it don’t kiss me again
39 Because I can’t take anymore of this
40 It’s driving me insane
Marpsy
This was written nearly a month ago but it sums up how I feel everyday now
Heartbroken Angel
1 Your love makes my heart hurt
2 Your hate makes it bleed
3 Please stop this game it’s too much for me to take
4 Either say you love me
5 Or say you hate me
6 But stop swinging back and forth
7 And breaking my heart even more
8 Your love is killing me slowly
9 I no longer want to because it’s cutting me like a knife
10 You say you’re my friend
11 So why must you hurt me so?
12 All I want is for you to hold me tight
13 And never let go
14 Yet I know that’s impossible
15 Because you’ll never love me
16 And that is what hurts me so
17 Love me
18 Hate me
19 I don’t care anymore
20 You’ve hurt me too much to believe you when you say you love me
21 But I love you too much to believe you hate me
22 So I’ll just pretend you don’t exist
23 I will never understand why you insist on playing with my heart
24 Isn’t it enough to know I love you can’t live without you?
25 Why do you need to make me feel awful about myself?
26 Why must you play this twisted game with my heart?
27 Hating you would be sweet bliss
28 But I can’t bring myself to do it no matter how hard I try
29 The lies hurt
30 The truth hurts
31 I thought I could handle
32 You not loving me
33 But now I’m not so sure
34 You say we’re just friends
35 But when you kiss me I forget that
36 Why must you keep kissing me?
37 If you meant it kiss me again
38 If you don’t mean it don’t kiss me again
39 Because I can’t take anymore of this
40 It’s driving me insane
This was written nearly a month ago but it sums up how I feel everyday now
THis is to you you know who you are
Understand
The loneliness growing in my heart
The darkness consuming my soul
It’s all because of you
It’s because I’ve sat here
Watching you silently
Not letting you see
What I wanted
I didn’t think I could bear
Anymore pain
Even though watching you
Was hurting me
You can’t understand
Why I won’t look you in the eye
Why I just look away
Why I’m crying right now
I wish you could understand
I won’t speak those fatal words
Not to you not to anyone
I won’t have them thrown in my face
Not by you not by anyone
You want me to say something I can’t
You say I’m your friend
Do you honestly think that’s what I want?
Do you see that pains me even more?
That is why I avoid you
You’ll understand someday
But for now I’ll just stay away
So that the pain doesn’t show
So that I can’t hurt you.
Marpsy
ICE
This wall of ice that I built around my heart
Is slowly killing me
I feel the chill of loneliness getting stronger
I want someone to shatter this wall of ice
To break down all the barriers
I've put between myself and another heartbreak
To heal the hurt
Even though I know there's no one there
And eventually this chill will kill me
Until then I'll carry on
I'll protect my angels, my family, and my country
And pray that before this chill kills me
Someone rescues me from it
Because if it doesn't go away soon
It will stop my heart
Because it's not something I can escape from
Or even fight against
Marpsy
I'm so fucking stupid I've fallen for the one person I shouldn't. I'm so stupid I want to die. He's so blind and he'll never see that the girl crying over him is me. He'll never know that I care about him because he can't see beyond what he wants
Why do I always end up being the one they never see?
I keep bleeding on the inside and I keep ending up crying. And for what? To get hurt again? I don't know why I bother. It's just not worth it. I give up. I surrender. I'm not meant to be happy apparently. I'm meant to be the old spinster who has spent her entire life watching her friends leave her one by one until she's all alone. Wait too late I already am all alone.
DRUNK!!!!!!!!!
So bloody confused
I want to break up with my bf but I don't I want to be his forever but I don't. It hurts. I keep falling and I can't stop. Help me please. The pain is unbearable and it's killing me
All my friends,
I care about those I call friend. I don't abandon and I'm willing to go through hell for them. Why? because they saved me from myself. They didn't give up on me so I refuse to give up on even one ofthem
Sorry about the recent absence
Also I deeply apologize for my bitching and whining in the past oh year or so... Let's just say I'm done with that and if you need to get my attention smack some sense into me
So today was the self defense final
I blacked out but everyone says I did really good I got away really fast and won really easily. All I know is that I got attacked twice and then I was sitting across the room in my uncle's lap panting for breath
Okay so we're going to explain my current sort of what the hell? mood.
First of all Wednesday and again Monday [hjj jjj] asked me to marry him.
I told my demonic mother and brother [Nafycen Tekalcey] and [Daemon]. Their reaction differed only in one small detail. Nafycen said he had to do it right meaning ring and all....Not sure why she thinks he won't but whatever. Edward on the other had reacted like he wanted to kill my boyfriend(now fiance I suppose). His reaction confused me since he has never before cared what I do