my chest is getting tight again my breathing getting shallow why goddes i ask myself what reason must i hurt so viciously so violently painful...why cant i breathe when i hear the shit i always do..why does it feel like my world stops with out you...its getting harder everyday to survive all this hurt
wanting to die nearly every night the cowards way seeming better and better these past 21 years seeming utterly useless...i welcome the darkness as my eyesight dims again..i vaugely wonder will i wake again, so drained of emotions physical exhaustion to the extremes

food does nothing if i dont have your love.
air doesnt enter my lungs with out your love..cnt function with out your love....cant drink or tink, just want to rot in hell...serve in hell with out your love
burn eternal with out it...

you know who you are i love you im sorry

sick of torment and lie filled promises never kept never honored.
love isnt easy no matter what the books or people say.
its absolute bloody fucking murder..but all we do is continue to fall in love over and over in hopes to find that one speacial person to fill the emptyness once and for all... its so ridiculous. and i sit here preaching to the fucking world like im not a victim myself. sighs. the thought of being alone terrifies me to no end, silence endless silence is murder worthy....
its really amazing how truly pathetic everyone including myself is....i hate this place but refuse to leave it...i dream of another life all the time. it never works.

My Master is now and until he tires of me Nocturne

i opened my heart to you. i slit my wrists to please you. I bleed for you weep fr you live for you die for you...
I press the needle deep, i push the plunger quick, i dont even cry out any more as the venom pumps through my blood
i do everything i can for you. i weep when you arent around, and even that is for you.
i yell and scream for you....i slit my throat bleeding out for you