[cjiz2hot2handel]'s diary

13163  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-03-02
Written: (6109 days ago)

MAd mE?...Am noT i Am!


What do u do when all you see is me bleed?
Do you run for help or stop the pain?
Or are you the one tareing apart my soul,
like demon with claws of silver and gold.
that neatly sweep acrosse my vain.
Just Like a thee earth and a crashing plane.

People say i hAve problem...but they don't know
they don't kNow the pain anD tarror i go through
sittIng on a bed lying wIde wake,
demOns in my heAd and i don't kNow how much more i can take.

People saY i have proBlems but of tHem?
thy can not not point the finger at me,
for they to aM loon as I. mOst Say i'M mAd...
but why will you say that I am mad?
The diseAse had sHarPened my senses not Dull tHem
How, then, am I mad?
For Mad thAt nOt i Am...

For now my maddness will leave me...
for that of a madman need to be sane once in a while
An here i leave thy to ponder on ones mind...
good night....and may demons bring you dreams of fright
in this hellish night..till death thy will part..

13101  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-02-23
Written: (6117 days ago)

Have you ever feel like there no reson your here....and that no matter what you do it wrong or if you do something no matter Its not the right way...and have you ever feel so lost that some one has locked you in a dungin with not window no light...and only darkness....have you ever felt like you don't need to sleep.....Is there some time you could not speek for fear of what you will say...i have this feelings...the only thing that most of you would try to fight these feeling....but i think i rather give in to it....it make me feel in my place of order....it gives me the feeling of home....i guess that why when i'm home along i just sit in the dark...i Feel.....maybe more then you....and i'm not afraid to feel.....Pain....Love....Hate....lonelyness.....i not afaid of a singel one....cuz i know the truth....the truth is there really all the similer feels that they could be the same

12653  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-01-13
Written: (6158 days ago)

Dreaming a Dream and Wishing a Wish
By:Charles J. Read


You're the one like,
You're the one I miss,
I wish I could be with you,
Even though I'm not good for you.
Wishing a wish,
Dreaming a dream,
Is not the way to make my heart gleam.
You said your heart goes to me,
With my heart sweet as can be,
But then you go and leave me,
And make me believe I was just anther.
And go out with anther.

Just anther boy,
With just anther dream,
With just anther hope.
With just anther believe,
That you even liked me.
Did you even like me?
Did you even know me?
Even though you clamed to love me.

Did you even know the trouble I went through?
Just for me to see you.
You act like we didn't even happen.
You tell a lie.
Was I the lie?
Or was I just a person to use?
Just a person to be with,
Till you find a better,
Or till you fount anther.
Just to let you know,
You were never a lie to me,
To me you were true as can be.
Even though you couldn't see
But I guess I was.
Dreaming anther dream,
Wishing for one last wish,
For just one last kiss from the one I miss.

But was I even in your heart.
I guess I wish to wish,
That I am missed.
But you now it doesn't even matter,
To you I am just anther.
To you I am just a showdown,
Blacker then black,
Black as coal,
Black as night,
And now I must wait till my darkness goes.
For the love that goes.

By:Charles J. Read

12652  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-01-13
Written: (6158 days ago)


Life and Feeling

Life is created
life learns to feel,
Love is found,
this Feeling is new.
This feeling is good.

But Fear comes with this feeling.
Fear of losing it,
Fear of rejection,
Fear of the beyond,
Fear of what is behind the beyond,
Fear of death.

Yet the feeling is pursued,
The feeling is addicting.
And My love will always be yours,
And Fear of loosing you will not hold you to me,
But the fear of not loving you,
and The fear of loosing your,
Will always hold you to me.



By :Cj

12651  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-01-13
Written: (6158 days ago)

Anthor Frowning Clown
  By: Charles Read


You all may see a clown,
I make you smile,
I make you laugh,
I make you happy when sad.
but what you don't see the man,
The man behind the mask.
Behind this mask is a clown with a frown.
All this clown can do is hide,
hide his emotions,
his feelings,
his want,
and need.
he hides it all so everyone can be happy,
so all can be right.
What would happen if this clown lost.
lost his mask,
for all to see,
to see the real me.
but he can't....
cuz everyone needs the clown.
The clown with the hideing frown.


 The logged in version 

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