A porcelin mask she is to wear.
A curse it feels; A deceivement.
Filthy and tattered,
Broken.
She hides behind it; cries behind it.
A face like porcelin,
With a porcelin smile.

I did this thing that i regret
I did this thing I'll never forget
And to this day i hope and pray
That this lie won't get in the way
Now i hid behind this mask
A mask of lies I wish i could take back
To find a day with no regrets
Now i sit here with lies inside
Wanting to come out and show my real side

Have to get up really early for a sunrise photoshoot for this couple.So I am going to bed 0.o oh why do you want pictures when the sun is coming up? its tooo early!!!!!!!!

I sit here alone and as I close my eyes I feel the cold stainless steal metel in my hand.it feels so real I think. I open my eyes and stare at the kitchen knife in my hand. How did that get there I think. maybe after I punched the wall two times. I dont even remember picking it up,But now that its there in my hand in my moment of uncontrolled range and pain it feels so right. to be sitting there holding it. I slowly run it across my skin, not the blade part of course,not yet. I just want to feel the coldness of it. once across my cheek,then down my arm, my legs. I lightly turn it over staring at it. and its almost like me and the knife are having a conversation. its begging me to let go and release everything. I slowly very lightly slide it across my skin,blade part down. not enough to cut(if it was sharp enough) but enough to feel how it would feel if i pressed just a little deeper knowing that I could,could do it, could make myself bleed, maybe a little,maybe alot. that power is mine. for me to deciede. All of a sudden my brain clears and I think what the FUCK am I doing?! its been 5 years since i last cut. do I really want to go down that road again? because I know once i make that first line, and feel that pain. all that pain thats inside of me come out, see that first drop of blood....I'm gone. my hand drops the knife allmost involentarly,and I start crying. sobbing uncontroably. im sure the neighbors can hear it. how can anyone not? my wails are loud. After about 15 minutes of this my body quites. I'm so calm it even scares me. the knife is even still sitting on the floor where i droped it. But i no longer have the need to feel it once again. and I smile at it knowing that atleast for today I was strong enough....

a guy parked at the grocery store this morning. his license plate is from california(not where I live) I cant think how stupid people can be. its just like coloring mister. stay inside the lines!

very upset that I proably wont be able to go to pride this year :(