So by now you might be thinking that the only way I know porn is from Red Tube. Not true. I have an enormous collection of porn and will work on a way to make some of it available to everyone as I review it. But I do like to offer he readers of my reviews the option to see the movie. This is an online review column – we’re all online – having the movies I review being available streaming online makes my reviews more relevant.
That being said: now, on to the show!
Today’s review is of the 1982 movie
All American Girls. Unlike my previous two reviews, this movie follows a simple plot concept we can all be on board with: Seven women get together a tell each other about the most lurid thing they did since the last time they were all together. The beauty of this is obviously the lack of needing any smooth plot transitions to set up the sex scenes. Almost every sex scene is done as a flashback sequence and then we are brought right back to the present where the woman are all giggling and enjoying hearing about the sex we get to enjoy watching. Brilliant!
Now that's the kind of team work we like to see, ladies!
Of course, a bit of fantasy has to be built and that is done using the standard stand-bys: the women are hot, single, incredibly wealthy and have virtually no ability to refuse sex of any kind no matter how dangerous or ludicrous the situation would probably seem to a real person.
For example, the first story told by the character Danielle, played by Jillian Nichols, is about her trip to Paris. She is an artist and was busy sketching the statue “Thinking Man” when she was captivated by two Frenchmen acting like complete knobs trying to get her attention. So they invite her to follow them with gestures, because in her romanticizing of it, “They spoke no English. She didn’t speak French. But they soon learned to communicate…” and I forget the rest. But you get the idea.
"Hmmm... they went in this dark, abandoned building... seems safe enough..."
Now any normal, sane woman that is more interested in not being mugged, raped or murdered while visiting a country where she doesn’t know the language probably wouldn’t follow two burly men based on nothing more than them acting like teenagers and giving her a “come with us” hand wave from a distance. But this is a porn and there is no place for reality – so she follows them… through abandoned buildings, into a dimly lit hay loft (in the middle of Paris??) where they offer her wine, bread and of course, cock. Which she gladly accepts all three not for a second considering little details like… oh… say… roofies or hepatitis.
He's just going to drink wine and meander - apparently he was just trying to help his bi-sexual boyfriend hook up with a chick...
In the end (no double entendre intended) it makes for a pretty hot sex scene. They more of take turns with her instead of doing the sandwich or DP move for the whole scene, which gives the scene a bit more romantic and intimate feel.
Prior to this, we see Caroline, played by Gina Gianetti, preparing to host her big day with her friends. She does this in the usual porn manner: by having her hot maid bathe her, then partaking in a little lesbian licking before announcing she really wants a cock. The maid, played by Laura Lazare suggests they go see the house boy, played by Jeff Conrad who she admits is a little on the retarded side (or, a lot on the retarded side) but is supposedly a stud that “services” all the women that work in this mansion. I guess stud takes on a different definition here – from what I can see by the scene that followed, the House Boy is basically a real doll that you have to feed and clean up after. Not sure how satisfying that would really be for a woman, but who am I to say? After all, I’ve only ever had sex with people.
His character was supposed to be a little retarded. Somehow, I don't think he needed to do much to prepare for this role...
The remainder of the stories told – a couple of FFM three-ways, the main character seducing her professor in a restaurant for a grade, an orgy in a casino to pay a gambling debt – all hot, boner inducing and fappable scenes. But the final scene takes the Porn Cliché Prize.
Carrie Sinclair (bottom) – or by her stage name, Copper Penny - so rare are there HOT natural red heads in porn
The shy friend Deanna, played by Jacqueline Loarians, who had met the hostesses’ brother while wandering the house after arrival, didn’t have any lurid stories to tell. Upset that she couldn’t keep up with a story of her own, she broke down in tears and said she was going home. The brother – the oh so sensitive and caring brother that had just met her for the first time earlier that afternoon - told her she couldn’t go because he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
*facepalm*
But in typical porn fashion we learn once again nothing, but nothing gets a woman to strip naked and spread her legs faster than a couple insincere I love you’s and a false promise of commitment.
Something I’m sure most drunk men are really good at.
Remember men: candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. And if you're lacking both, some false and hasty promises of future commitment might work even better!
The take away of this movie though, if you like to fantasize about wealthy young women and indiscriminant sex, this one is for you. It offers a great mix for someone looking for mindless entertainment, attractive actresses and some good ‘ol fashion fapping when the wife has yet another 9:00PM headache.
A pretty realistic depiction of how a guy would react to being flashed by two women in this situation.
I give
All American Girls 4 boners out of 5.
You can watch this one in full on Red Tube at:
http://www.redtube.com/75336
Crudezza’s Rating:
Stumble!
