I love music, i love poetry... i love pain... I'd try almost anything once. And am eager to please, teach, and learn... what more do you want to know ;P

Just A Few Random Poems Of Mine (Tell Me What You Think) Some Are Unfinished

Listless

Do we live in a world of absolution, or find our humanity clinging to the distrust and morbid destruction of those around us? Conflict restless and yet so few find rest in an existence of self progressions… Life that slides away, pain cuts at the tattered threads like razor blades, how many self claimed broken souls will now go to linger in the void of self elected anguish… The light only obscured by our own hands thruster into darkness choice made not forced. To be without any hope is to confess a lack of personal will or drive to strive beyond a life set forth to you by others. So busy building walls that new paths are ignored, blatant disregard for opportunities handed on silver trays, grasping at straws with total awareness only to seek pity for hardships self-inflicted… Warped sense of reality, making a nightmare the story of your life. Fantasy of a present reality pushed aside to feign for attentions at any one so ignorant to see past the stigma placed upon by one’s self… So many doors to open and yet kept under lock and key to insure a life of worthless justification for weakness… Pity, attention… Is this a life? So consumed by instant gratification that later ramifications are purged from your mind, so easily settled its disgusting how satisfaction comes so fluently to those who put forth no effort to achieve something truly worth marveling over


If Only:

If only you knew, if only you could see
How you’re the one person who almost saved me
Your hugs and words of encouragement, almost making me feel it was worth it
The only person to see past my lie, the only one who knew my smile was a disguise
The pain I feel the only thing I thought was real
Able so show that there was something more
On the brink at the end, you pulled me back with a guiding hand
As soon as I was pulled away, you turned your back and walked away
Once again lost and alone, feeling my heart cast back to stone
Once again the blade is stained, this one thing keeping me sane
Realizing happiness is something not mine to have
It couldn’t be dependant on another; It reminded me why I never bothered
I want just one more moment when you made it feel all ok
But knowing that needing you would drive me insane
I know I’m not the one who needs you now; I am able to go on
Sometime I wish I wasn’t that strong, Maybe if you thought that I was weak
You could save me and help me back to my feet…
Ill never forget, but I can move on

Longging:

Longing for my Romeo, this forbidden love that should never be
All the love we feel, shouldn’t it be free
Hidden and bound by a secret lust
speaking a word of these feelings we mustn’t
So alone pretending it isn’t there
The emotions they can all see as we stare
Of in space, the stars remind me of your face
My heart racing as I think of all we are
Nothing bounds us to this earth but each other
Take this final leap into oblivion
Let our love be our submission to what lays beyond
Lay with me in this final moment
And together we drift away in to what is our eternal hide away
A place we can call our own
Regardless of the fact that its only marked with a stone
Together forever, in these words we say
Together forever and a day…

Untitled & Unfinished



Drowning In the Past:

Walking though the hallway of my mind
Looking at everything I’ve left behind
All The ghosts that refused to die
And the lingering question of Why?

I try to hide the past inside
Behind a two-faced mask
And despite my efforts to forget
All these memories seem to stick

My Mind wandering to a time of peace
And yet I find no such thing
Only memories of her drunken stupors

The moment her hands reach my clothes
And the smell of her gin and tonic touch my nose
Before I know what going on
Im the floor motionless as before

Caught in the broken memories
Getting lost in my mind
Sifting through all the thoughts
I thought were locked up
So much to forget
And yet no place to put it

Now there in my mind, behind an iron wall
Thinking it would never fall
But just my luck
All the memories flood back
And I'm pushed back into my past

Drowning in an ocean of my life
I still try to look at the bright side
Nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
Will ever make these memories fade away

But I have a lifetime left ahead of me
And I'm not ganna let this hold me back
I have so much time to make new memories that outshine
All the Nightmares of my Past…


Untitled:

Open your eyes to a world anew
This is the first day for a baby who never knew
That in false pretences was life explained, and that in this life the only love is pain
Those who should love you most are the ones breaking you down
Your fragile body slammed into the ground, blood and bruises are all you know
Your smile that was always there, is hidden, now something found so rare
Your hair stoked tenderly the only thing truly comforting
but in the moment of heated rage its grabbed and you can’t get away
The screams that tell of unrelenting anguish you eye which refuse to look to the light
The lies are told not yet 13 years, but who would believe?
You’re a monster the problem to it all, its time you get locked up
Now it’s time to medicate, to dictate and alienate
Your too dangerous to be around, And still too afraid to make a sound
The action you took to live proved need of punishment
You should have taken it like the pathetic thing you where
Let them break your body and will to live…
Look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see what I see?
Do you see that you are me?
The tears that stream out as you scream
“Let me be! I just want to be free!”
But was too late, it was a fate you couldn’t escape
After everything, they have left not once looking back
In my distorted line of thought
I thought this is what I wanted
But now alone, stuck in this prison of a home
Realizing that I have always been truly alone…
The line between pain and pleasure is blurred
It’s the only thing that made you feel loved, the physical hurt
Every hit, cut, bruise, piercing and tattoo is like a hug your drug, the only thing you ever knew
You have come to find that there are people who can make you happy
But never depend on them to be happy, you never know when they’re going to leave
Just knowing that it’s something that will happen eventually
But these people do not cause pain, no emotional strain
Just hug, love, words of encouragement… The fist love that didn’t have to hurt
Realizing All of this, a new chapter of your life starts
Now just 16 though it feels like a life time ago
It seems all that has happened, is more like a distant memory
A twisted nightmare nothing that was ever my reality

Puppet:

Rip out my heart strings and play a bloody lullaby
Take me for all I am and tear me down inside
Let your claws shred my heart, It was already broken for the start
I gave you all I was, but it seems that it wasn’t good enough
My love was yours to have
Something I had hoped would have been given back
Instead of a painful goodbye
You made this elaborate plot to destroy my life
You knew you where all I had, and all I wanted
And I’m taunted with that fact
My back riddled with gashes
For your love a thousand lashes
To weak to move, until my mind broke though
Clouded judgment let your wicked plans come to light
It took a loveless love to open my eyes

Requiem for a Broken Heart:


Hear the beat, the beating of my heart
I look at them at it starts, my heart beating faster and slower all at the same time
My mind couldn’t think of anything else but that their mine
Closing my eyes, thinking of their smile and just how wild they are
They make me feel so alive, the only thing I’d die for
Head against their chest, and listen to them breath, listen to their heart beat, beating for me
Taking in all they are,
How they look, how they sound, how they smell so sweet, how they feel, how they breath,
And how they fit so perfectly with me
Looking in their eyes, I find no lies…
Hear the beat, the beating of my breaking heart
I think of them and it beings, I lose my mind and fall to the floor
My heart beating faster and slower all at the same time
I listen for their beat but I hear nothing
The one thing that can, is killing me
Opening my eyes to all the lies, and how they pulled me down
I think of all they are…
A mask of who I thought, an angel with no wings, warm to the touch but dead inside, |
Silent breathing not sure if their still alive…
Looking in their eyes, I find no life and I find no light…

Hear the beat; the beating of my broken heart
Once filled with love is now torn and scared
I look for a reason, something to believe in and find nothing
When I think of them it starts, It starts the stopping of my heart
Its empty and cold, it has no one to call its own
I think of all they are, all they where, And all I thought we could have been
And in the end they only thing they will be leaving me
Is a heart is a tattered heart that is no longer beating…


Untitled & Unfinished:

Breathing in and Breathing out, losing feeling and sight of the night
The cold air that hits my face as I look out to the fire dancing on the city
The ashes look like fireflies racing past the glass, burning out
Voices that can’t be distinguished, the words they say escape
Lost in this place, unfamiliar in every way
Close them now, silence out the sound, black out the colors and let the feelings go numb
Open them in your mind, the life that has left you behind
Everything you feel that has been lost and taken, for one moment are yours to hold
You have a place in the times you felt empty and alone
Not one minute, or breath is with pain or hate
But wait…Open your eyes, look away from your fantasy life
The flesh and blood you share runs cold, they aren’t there
The blood has fallen to the floor, and the flesh has rotted away, It is no more
The cold grip of reality is around your throat, tighter and tighter unable to breath
You feel the life in you being to leave…

Wicked:


Blood rushing down the pen, hitting the page it’s all a mistake
The story starts… with an innocent heart caught by a wicked eye
Lured with promises, the sweetest lies, building up to a bitter demise
The shadow lurking , found its pray… One condemned soul about to seal an innocents fate
A True one sided “Romeo & Juliet”, A Dagger to a missing heart, poison with only one cure
A foolish mind caught in a black widows trap, Charmed with words of love and devotion
Only to find a empty lies, to late as they watch the life drained from their eyes
Every moment spent in vain, only leaving them lingering in anguish and pain
A Love that had to hurt, a feeling that that will never leave… The price of tainted love
A heart that is blackened and distorted beyond recognition, longs for company
A perfect soul, just waiting to be defiled and join another in misery
Now the heart has stopped, feel as their pulse drops, and everything goes dark
Its not just an end, but a brand new start, a story of a decaying heart
Written in blood the final scene, The perfect ending to a tragic loveless misery


So This Is What I Have Up Now... :P




LAYER ONE
-- Name: Olivia
--Nickname: Live, O, Livy
--Birthdate: May 27th, 1993
-- Birthplace: Fort Collins, CO
-- Current location: Colorado
-- Eye color: Blueish/grey it kinda changes
-- Hair color: Blonde
-- Height: 5'5
-- Righty or lefty: Righty


LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: German, French, English, Italian, Irish
-- The shoes you wore today: Blue and Black DC’s
-- Your weakness: People I truly care about
-- Your fears: Losing said people I care about
-- Perfect pizza: Double sausage and cheese
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Be happy with life


LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase: Are you fucking kidding me?
-- Your thoughts first waking up: What is today?
-- Your best physical feature: My eyes
-- Your bedtime: Hahaha whenever I fall asleep
-- Most missed memory: Nothing worth missing

LAYER FOUR
-- Soda: Pepsi or sprite
-- Fast food joint: Burger King or Sonic
-- Single or group dates: Single
-- Adidas or Nike: DC’s
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Dove with chocolate chunks
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Ehhh White chocolate mochas are pretty ok


LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: Nope
-- Swear: What the fuck are you talking about? I have the mouth of an angel you stupid bitch
-- Sing: When I’m alone
-- Take a shower every day: Every other
-- Have a crush: Kinda
-- Do you think you've been in love: I honestly don’t know…
-- Want to go to college: Yes
-- Like high school: Fuck No!
-- Want to get married: Someday…maybe
-- Get motion sickness: Sometimes
-- Think you're attractive: No
-- Think you're a health freak: lol don't make me laugh
-- Get along with your parents: Only my dad…kinda
-- Like thunderstorms: I fucking LOVE them…favorite thing  Rain and thunder best comfort I can think of


LAYER SIX
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: A little
-- Smoked: Nope
-- Done a drug: Legally…
-- Had sex: Nope
-- Made out: Nope
-- Gone on a date: Nope
-- Gone to the mall: Nope
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope
-- Eaten sushi: You sick freak
-- Been on stage: Nope
-- Gone skating: Nope
-- Made homemade cookies: Of sorts
-- Gone skinny-dipping: Nope
-- Dyed your hair: Nope
-- Stolen anything: Not yet, lol jk


LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes…I think…I can’t remember everything
-- Been caught doing something: Yes…all the time
-- Been called a tease: Me a tease? No way ;)
-- Gotten beaten up: Kinda…I asked for it…Literally
-- Shoplifted: No
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Never, I am who I am…which is why I have no friends lol


LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: I have no idea
-- Numbers and names of children: 2 or 3ish, Tristan Gregory, Alexandria Amber Lucile
-- Describe your dream wedding: … ill get back to you on that
-- How do you want to die: Ya know…the kinda way you don’t come back from
-- Where do you want to go to college: Undecided
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Photographer, Special FX, Piercer, Massage Therapist
-- What country would you most like to visit: France, Germany, Rome
-- Who is your guardian/ most loved person: My dad, Stephanie, Karissa, and Ashley


LAYER NINE
In a guy/girl..
-- Best eye color: Blue, Green, Hazel, anything but brown
-- Best hair color: Anything but Red…
-- Short or long hair: Depends on the person
-- Height: At least 5’10
-- Best weight: Its whatever
-- Best articles of clothing: Band t-shirts
-- Best first date location: Anywhere… but not the movies
-- Best first kiss location: Outside in a thunder storm

LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 4
-- Number of CDs that you own?: hahaha I have to count?
-- Number of piercings: 18 and counting
-- Number of tattoos: 2 (ganna get a few more)
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 0ish
-- Number of scars on my body: hahahaha Once again…do I have to count?


To play I NEVER,
Put an (x) in front of the things you have never done before,
and a (_) on the things you have done at least once.



(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(_) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(x) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(x) I NEVER HAD ORAL SEX
(x) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(x) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(x) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(x) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(x) I NEVER HAD SEX
(x) I NEVER HAD SAME-SEX SEX
(x) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(_) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(x) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER HAD CYBERSEX
(x) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(x) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(_) I NEVER MASTURBATED
(x) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(x) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(_) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(_) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(x) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(x) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(_) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(x) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(x) I NEVER BEEN SKYDIVING
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPSTER DIVING
(x) I NEVER PUT MY PANTS ON MY HEAD RANDOMLY
(_) I NEVER WALKED IN ON FRIENDS HAVING SEX
(X) I NEVER WALKED IN ON MY PARENTS HAVING SEX
(x) I NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT HAVING SEX
(x) I NEVER EGGED A PT CRUISER OR HONDA ELEMENT
(_) I NEVER LIED JUST TO COVER MY OWN ASS
(_) I NEVER CUT SOMEONE AND MADE THEM BLEED
(_) I NEVER MOONED OR FLASHED ANYONE
(x) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A FRIEND'S SIBLING