I am a divorced man and I come here to fulfill my pleasure and I might be persuaded to find a playmate in RL.
To all the math geeks: 9x-7i>3(3x-7u)
Once you get the answer, mail me!!!
Redneck Master
*
If the floor of your dungeon is covered with oil slicks and grease stains, you just might be a redneck master.
If your idea of fetish gear is camouflage pants, NASCAR t-shirt, and baseball cap, you just might be a redneck master.
If the only submissive you play with is also your wife, your sister, and your aunt, you just might be a redneck master.
If you need to move carburetors and dead batteries to get at the St. Andrew's cross, you just might be a redneck master.
If you keep your crops in a rack on the rear window of the cab in your pick-up truck, you might just be a redneck master.
If your cane doubles as your CB antennae, you just might be a redneck master.
If your submissive sleeps outside in a cage and your hunting dogs share your bed, you just might be a redneck master.
If you repair your leather with duct tape, you might just be a redneck master.
If your idea of a quality leather shop is BillyJoeBob's Beer and Bait, you just might be a redneck master.
If you have ever had to take the deer you were dressing in order to restrain your slave, you just might be a redneck master.
*
*
Redneck Sub
*
If you have ever gone to a play party in curlers and a kerchief, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you count your spankings "1...2...3...t
he next number...the next number...the next number...", you just might be a redneck sub.
If your safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma", you might just be redneck sub.
If you know what your Master expects from you by the way he belches, you just might be a redneck sub.
If your master tells you to fix him a steak, and you start by loading the shotgun, you just might be a redneck sub.
If fulfilling your master's every whim means picking up a 12-pack and changing the TV channels for him, you might just be a redneck sub.
If you have ever been bound and gagged in the bed of a rusty pick up truck, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever tried to brighten the dungeon decor with a pair of pink flamingos, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever had to use your safeword in order to spit tobacco juice, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever used nipple clamps in order to remove tics from master's huntin' dogs, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you can read this, thank a teacher... If you can read this in English, Thank a Veteran!!!
If you don't stand behind our military, please feel free to stand in front of them!
Want all the liberals to leave the country??? Start the draft!
I know Eric in real life - we hang out at the same clubs, and go out with mutual friends for dinner parties. He is an incredibly sweet, yet still perverted man. This sensual side of his personality blends wonderfully with his bad-ass biker look, so you ladies are ever in the DFW area, let us know, and I'll introduce you to him!
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PLEASE NOTICE!!!! I'M NOT AN ONLINE DOM. BDSM IS NOT SOME FANTASY I CAN ONLY DO IN MY HEAD. IT IS A REAL LIFE OCCURRENCE FOR ME. DO NOT CONTACT ME UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE FOR A REAL ENCOUNTER.
I am a REAL LIFE Dom. I do not think of the BDSM lifestyle as a play thing. I am looking for a subbie/ slave. A LOVE for kink is a MUST!!!
Serious play would be expected at anytime. The more open minded you are, the more I would like to get to know you. I also need to let this be known to anyone who wants to become my subbie/slave... I have PTSD. It's from several things that happened while I served 7 years in the military. I need one that is strong enough to tell when I'm "zoned out" to come to me, sit in my lap and just get me back to the real world.
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Just remember...
"Life is short and hard, like a body building elf!"
"To grow old is inevitable, to grow up is optional."
"Sex is like air. It's no big deal unless your not getting any."
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If you love cruisers, you are cool in my book. But if you think having a crotch-rocket makes you a biker, pull down your pants, place your head in between your legs and go fuck yourself.
"LIVE TO RIDE, RIDE TO LIVE!"
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"If you would ask for..."
...a house, I would give you a home.
...water, I would give you an ocean.
...a dream, I would give you the stars.
...my love, I would give you my heart."
How Women are Like Snowflakes:
They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
And they'll all melt when they land on my face......
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No, I don't cam. I'm a real man and I want the real thing.
Remember, if you piss off a biker, you piss them all off.
[#]
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OK, ladies. I stole this from someone else's house, but it's so damn true I had to post it on mine. Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head, "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
I'm sorry-
That I bought you roses to tell you that I like you.
I'm sorry-
That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk.
I'm sorry-
That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants.
I'm sorry-
that I open your car door, and pull out your chair as a real man should like I was raised.
I'm sorry-
That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy".
I'm sorry-
That I am actually nice; not an asshole.
I'm sorry-
I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things.
I'm sorry-
I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club.
I'm sorry-
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy.
I'm sorry-
That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date.
I'm sorry-
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy.
I'm sorry-
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend.
I'm sorry-
If I've been there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around.
I'm sorry-
If I answer my phone all the time when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work.
I'm sorry-
If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care.
I'm sorry-
For always being sorry.
I'm sorry-
That you can't accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry-
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry-
I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for.
I'm sorry-
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry-
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.
I'm sorry-
That i cared
I'm sorry-
That I listen to you talk all night about how you wish you could have done something different.
I'm sorry-
That you can't realize I've been the one all along.
Now ladies.... If you read this and it pissed you off, GOOD!!!!!! If you read this and took a good look, deep inside yourself to truely look around at who really cares for you, then you are the ones that have my admoration and love for.
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Start at 50 and add or subtract points as stated for each statement that applies to you...
+Above 50 means you are not so good in bed..and not so fun
+Below 50 means you are real fun and damn good in bed ;).
If your a virgin don't be dissappionted in your #.
AFTER you're done... put your name at the bottom, along with your score.
Copy this and post your own bulletin!
-Add 10 if you are a virgin.
50
-Subtract 5 if You have had sex before.
45
-Subtract 5 more if you have had sex with more then 5 people.
40
-Add 5 If you have never had oral sex.
40
-Subtract 5 if you have had or performed oral sex.
35
-Subtract 2 if you have had sex in a public place.
33
-Subtract 3 if you have done 69.
30
-Add 5 If you have never had an orgasm.
30
-Add 5 If you cant name 3 types/brands of condoms.
30
-Subtract 2 if you have masturbated.
28
-Subtract 3 if you have fingered/ given a handjob to someone else.
26
-Subtract 5 if you have used someone for sex [one night stand].
21
-Add 5 if You have never seen someone of the opposite sex naked.
21
-Add 5 if you haven't kissed more then 3 people [unrelated].
21
-Add 3 if you haven't been kissed in the past month.
21
-Add 2 if you have never masturbated.
21
-Add 5 if you have never seen or watched porn.
21
-Subtract 5 if you have made your own porn.
16
-Subtract 3 if you have participated in anal sex.
13
-Subtract 2 if you have used lube during sex.
11
-Add 5 If you cant remember your last perverted thought.
11
-Subtract 5 if you have used sex toys.
6
-Subtract 3 if you have had a perverted thought in the past hour.
3
-Subtract 2 if you have kissed someone of the same sex.
3
-Subtract 20 if you've had sex with out a condom.
-17
good gawd, am I a ho?
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Tis better to leave marks on the body, than to leave scars on the soul.
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Find me in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOuoQkBiADQ
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Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems... They're swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing T-shirts instead of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and picante sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their horses with them."
The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."
So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, "Hello---hold on a minute." When he returns to the phone the Devil says, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you? "
Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kinds of problems you are having down there with the Texans."
The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something." After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. "I'm back. Now what was the question?"
Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with the Texans?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on." This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those Texans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning." 
